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I don't see the point in living anymore

#1
I Have been in a pretty deep hole of despair for about a year and a half now. I attempted suicide last december and was almost successful had i not thrashed and regained consciousness. I haven't worked a steady job since 3/2019 despite countless interviews and applications. I found i will not be able to conceive a child, my husband has seeking the affections of another woman and gave me divorce papers ( 11+ years together) my mothers cancer returned and is more aggressive, i have no friends anymore because the only one that i actually trusted died unexpectedly. i have made a plan b but haven't put it into motion yet. i don't enjoy any activity anymore unless it's sleeping.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
Hi, welcome to SF. I'm sorry to hear you're in so much pain. That is a lot at once for anyone to handle. Have you tried meds or therapy to help with the depression at all?

Keep talking if you think it might help. People here can understand. *hug
 
#3
Hello, welcome to SF
good you find this platform, here ppl can understand how u feel.
It s really a lot to face in one time
Keep posting may help, or reading only... as u like.
You said you have a plan B in mind (nothin which involvesti harm obviously)
Relax for a moment and concentrate on small things, step by step you ll work out your Plan B and start it
We re here
Big huggies 🤗
 
#4
Hi, welcome to SF. I'm sorry to hear you're in so much pain. That is a lot at once for anyone to handle. Have you tried meds or therapy to help with the depression at all?

Keep talking if you think it might help. People here can understand. *hug
I was on medication for number of years and it stopped working . i was never tested to check the levels and by the time i was the levels were toxic. i started feeling a little better after i stopped them but not good enough for the feeling of wanting to die to go away or at least dwindle. Therapy isn't helping much, been seeing a therapist but it's been a few months and i don't feel any improvement.
 
#5
Hello, welcome to SF
good you find this platform, here ppl can understand how u feel.
It s really a lot to face in one time
Keep posting may help, or reading only... as u like.
You said you have a plan B in mind (nothin which involvesti harm obviously)
Relax for a moment and concentrate on small things, step by step you ll work out your Plan B and start it
We re here
Big huggies 🤗
plan b is in fact self harm.
 

MosesY

Functioning Alcoholic
#7
I feel the same way. I just want this to end. I have people on SF that stalk my posts just to make fun of me. I am an old man, well past his prime, who no longer serves any purpose. I totally understand how you feel. My parents are gone, my job sucks, and I only have one close friend. I have to work 10 hour days and just don't have the time or money to do anything. I understand how you feel.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#8
I was on medication for number of years and it stopped working . i was never tested to check the levels and by the time i was the levels were toxic. i started feeling a little better after i stopped them but not good enough for the feeling of wanting to die to go away or at least dwindle. Therapy isn't helping much, been seeing a therapist but it's been a few months and i don't feel any improvement.
Have you considered trying a different med? If that one worked for a while maybe there's a new one that would be better for you.
Therapy takes time. Do you think you connect well with the therapist?

I hope you can keep holding on. *hug
 
#9
Have you considered trying a different med? If that one worked for a while maybe there's a new one that would be better for you.
Therapy takes time. Do you think you connect well with the therapist?

I hope you can keep holding on. *hug
I was tried on alternate medication and either it did nothing at all or side effects were bad. I don't think it's an option anymore. as for the therapist no i do not connect with them.
 
#11
I feel the same way. I just want this to end. I have people on SF that stalk my posts just to make fun of me. I am an old man, well past his prime, who no longer serves any purpose. I totally understand how you feel. My parents are gone, my job sucks, and I only have one close friend. I have to work 10 hour days and just don't have the time or money to do anything. I understand how you feel.
It would have a positive impact on me if someone would give me a chance and hire me. in this day in age , with a nurse shortage everywhere you would think someone would hire me. i'm a nurse and in good standing with my license but nope, no matter what i do or how much i apply it's always the same. my husband doesn't want me but keeps me around out of pity. He hasn't given me any hope or anything else that he even loves me anymore. I feel like he's found some loopholes to divorce me without my knowledge. I know that sounds unreasonable but he's done so much behind my back i don't know what to think.
 
#12
Do you have the ability to try a different therapist? If you don't feel a connection with them, it's harder for it to be helpful I think.
No i don't think so. i just feel my survival is some kind of cruel joke . like i survived my attempt just to be tormented longer . i was supposed to die that day. i'm sick of being a burden to everyone and people thinking i'm nothing more than a pathetic waste of life.
 

Lady Wolfshead

"Don't fear mistakes. There are none." Miles Davis
#13
I Have been in a pretty deep hole of despair for about a year and a half now. I attempted suicide last december and was almost successful had i not thrashed and regained consciousness. I haven't worked a steady job since 3/2019 despite countless interviews and applications. I found i will not be able to conceive a child, my husband has seeking the affections of another woman and gave me divorce papers ( 11+ years together) my mothers cancer returned and is more aggressive, i have no friends anymore because the only one that i actually trusted died unexpectedly. i have made a plan b but haven't put it into motion yet. i don't enjoy any activity anymore unless it's sleeping.
I am so sorry to hear all that you've gone through. Nobody should be hit by all that, especially at once *console My best friend died unexpectedly 2 years ago so I really hear you on that, and my brother is out of work for almost two years (he has been doing deliveries for amazon but formerly held a managerial position so it has been hard on his confidence).

I do have some suggestions for you. I personally found it helpful working for a temp agency and it helped me secure a permanent job. Also many places hire christmas help although obviously it's not a great time for working in retail or such.

The thing is that most of the things you describe are temporary although it may not feel like it. Frankly if your husband is cheating, he's not worth it. That is really hard that you've been together 11+ years and he would do that. *console It sounds like you are still a young woman and there is hope. It seems like maybe there is a small positive to some of the big negatives in your life. Maybe being out of work gives you more time to spend with your mother while she is sick? Maybe not being able to have a child means you didn't have one with your husband and you won't have to endure joint custody. You can adopt one day if you are in a situation where you wish to. Consult a lawyer as you may be eligible for spousal support given your situation with your unemployment (don't be quick to say "I don't want anything from him" as you may need the financial support if you are unable to find work).

There are many non-medication things that may help depression, stress and anxiety. I encourage you to research these (some of them help me and I will star these).
*exercise (cardio) - sweating from exercise contains toxins released by the body and is chemically different from sweating from heat.
- light therapy (exacerbated my rosacea but friends have benefitted from it)
- Cognitive behavioral therapy
* B vitamin "stress plex" - B vitamin supplement with the B vitamins in the proportion they are absorbed by the body (not the B-50 or B-100). Often has vitamin C as well and sometimes other supplements
* Calcium + magnesium
- Fish oil or flax seeds
- N-acetylcysteine (a supplement recommended by my psychiatrist that I haven't tried yet, for anxiety)
-*CBD and/or THC (marijuana. It's legal where I live and the 1:1 THC/CBD oil helps me a lot
- meditation/yoga/tai chi (I like tai chi best)
*epsom salt bath for anxiety (magnesium absorbs through the skin)

By no means an exhaustive list
Big hugs to you. Stick around and you will make friends here
 
#14
thanks for the input. i have used n acetylcystine for many years. it doesn't help much anymore. the other supplements i have taken as well. as for my husband, it's my fault he did what he did, i pushed him away. i met him when he was 21 and i feel like i robbed him of his twenties. we were happy. i just messed him up and he turned to someone else for support and then they got intimately involved. i want him to just get this over with and throw me away instead of forcing himself to be with me. he should be happy. im too tired to start over , i want to do everyone a favor and just not exist
 
#15
and temp agencies around here hire mill work . not nursing work for which i'm qualified. i have applied for retail, fast food, etc but they don't want a 37 year old with no experience with retail. makes me feel more useless that they don't want me either.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#16
No i don't think so. i just feel my survival is some kind of cruel joke . like i survived my attempt just to be tormented longer . i was supposed to die that day. i'm sick of being a burden to everyone and people thinking i'm nothing more than a pathetic waste of life.
I don't think you're pathetic or a waste of life. You're just in pain.
 

snowraven

Well-Known Member
#17
I feel the same way. I just want this to end. I have people on SF that stalk my posts just to make fun of me. I am an old man, well past his prime, who no longer serves any purpose. I totally understand how you feel. My parents are gone, my job sucks, and I only have one close friend. I have to work 10 hour days and just don't have the time or money to do anything. I understand how you feel.
Hi from one old man to another. I'm really disappointed to hear of anybody making fun of anybody here on the forum. Have you reported this to anyone because it shouldn't be happening here of all places. Us old guys have a wealth of experience we can share with others so please try not to believe there is no purpose in your life anymore. Message me if you want to talk.
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#18
Hi from one old man to another. I'm really disappointed to hear of anybody making fun of anybody here on the forum. Have you reported this to anyone because it shouldn't be happening here of all places. Us old guys have a wealth of experience we can share with others so please try not to believe there is no purpose in your life anymore. Message me if you want to talk.
I agree, this is a place for support NOT stalking and acting an asshole...I mean here of all the site a troll can choose? I also am on the same page about no purpose in life after reading posts by MosesY which I quite enjoy. There is much to be learned here from so many.
 

MisterBGone

Well-Known Member
#19
I feel the same way. I just want this to end. I have people on SF that stalk my posts just to make fun of me. I am an old man, well past his prime, who no longer serves any purpose. I totally understand how you feel. My parents are gone, my job sucks, and I only have one close friend. I have to work 10 hour days and just don't have the time or money to do anything. I understand how you feel.
WTH 🤦‍♀️ (just block them, then, or however you’re supposed to do that on here!) ? Good Lord. . :/ don’t let the idiots get to you! : ) they’ve got nothing better to do - because they’re “losers!” That’s spelled/spelt, with a Capitol ‘L’ ;)
 

MisterBGone

Well-Known Member
#20
and temp agencies around here hire mill work . not nursing work for which i'm qualified. i have applied for retail, fast food, etc but they don't want a 37 year old with no experience with retail. makes me feel more useless that they don't want me either.
Can you do anything more related to your background & training? Ala~ cna? Or is that considered an “over-qualification,” or too close to your chosen field, and therefore - sensibilities. . . (Plus! I suppose some segments of the population, may not be the most desirable to work with at the present time..?)
// And on the ‘Hubby!’ You didn’t coerce him into anything or rob him of any everlasting memories. He chose you —& to be there for (& with) You. . . Now it seems he’s made some other decisions that are his responsibility; & the fault or onus is none to do with, or be on - you. That’s just your condition messing with you. Let me ask you this, if the situation were reversed. And you’d done the same with somebody else ~~ would you feel he was to blame? Best wishes, you can get through this. Time helps, and a change in perspective can also be healthy. Good luck! 👍🍀
 

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