well. i got an emergency appointment today. I was sick of the doctor fobbing me off, saying to go get help at my Uni. Screw that. uni is hard enough as it is without all that. I dont want to go. there is no point anyway. Ill do what i always do, ill bottle it. ill go in and smile and laugh at what she says and ill play everything down and there are somethings i can never ever say anyway. And what if it came out? i would lose my job (which is my whole life, it keeps me going) and if my family knew i was cutting again and shit they would disown me all over again. they think i have been better for years. Ive just got better at hiding it. I dont know how to eloquent myself and its driving me fucking mad. i just want to show you how much it hurts. i dont want attention, i dont want a reputation, i just want to not hurt anymore. Im so fucking tired. so fucking sick.of.it. i dont want to be this girl anymore. i just want to forget it all and move on.