I don't see the point

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pickett, Jul 12, 2011.

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  1. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    I'm tired of not being in control over my life.

    CTP (http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=101858) has destroyed my life. The more I look on the Internet I try to get hope, but run into more worries. Many of the procedures have side-effects which can include having MORE PAIN.

    I just wish they would amputate my testicles. It seems to me if they aren't there and the nerves are gone then it can't hurt anymore. But NO, he said they wouldn't do that.

    Basically the doctors are torturing me. They are prolonging my suffering and I want OUT of this HELL. I can't hardly work and my family sees me as a burden. Everyone thinks this is something that can be managed, when in reality they are WRONG. Anyone who says I should live with this should have to go through it too! Let them find out how horrible it is and then they'll change their mind!!!

    I'm just going to have to take control over my life by ending it. Then I WILL be in control and the PAIN WON'T. I AM SICK AND FUCKING TIRED of this and after living this for 2 YEARS it doesn't seem drastic to me.

    I've read around the net people living with this for a decade or more. NOT ME! NOT ME! I REFUSE TO BE PUT THROUGH THIS MISERY ANY LONGER.

    These medical professionals are just EVIL. The last time I was in the psych ward I was prescribed Risperidone, which is used to treat schizophrenia. What the hell???? I don't have that. THEY JUST TOTALLY BLOW ME OFF AND DISREGARD ME AND WHAT I'M TELLING THEM. Ending your life because no one will cure your chronic pain is NOT a "mood disorder" (http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=102407) These people treat us like garbage and then wonder why are self-esteem is so low.

    My whole life and future is gone. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but if I don't love myself enough to end my suffering then who will? These doctors just charge obscene amounts of money to do NOTHING, and I am so afraid to return to work because of the pain. I'd rather die and I'm tired of being a burden on my family. My life is worthless, and the doctors have only reinforced this belief. No one will do anything and I'm tired.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Resperidone is used for so much more then just schizophrenia hun it is used for anxiety as well some use it for neurolgical pain it can be used for other things to depending on the dosage i do hope you find a doctor that listens hun that cares
     
  3. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    I'm tired of feeling helpless and being treated like dirt. Everyone expects me to just "live with it" and that is not an option. Any decent doctor would realize that this is a major, serious quality of life issue.

    I going to end it all by the end of this week, I think.

    I'm tired of being punished for this. I was attacked because I was gay and I have to remember it every fucking day. I have been through enough and I deserve better than this.

    It's only afternoon here and I already feel like killing myself.

    My suicide is an act of MERCY. I'm doing it because I LOVE myself. I am willing to make the ultimate sacrifice to end my pain, and the doctors are only willing to let me writhe in agony. These are the same people who say I have a mental problem when they are all narcissistic psychopaths who don't give a damn about anyone but themselves. They line their pockets on other people's suffering and if that isn't evil then what the hell is???
     
  4. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    While I don’t really understand why the doctors would not proceed with your request, there may be a possibility that they may have a professional protocol in this kind of situation that it may not be an option to “amputate your testicles” (which may mean that there is a better option). Regardless, maybe they can do something to ease your pain or keep your pain manageable or under control?

    I don’t know how you did your research. The internet can be a good resource for many things, but I don’t feel that it’s always 100% accurate or reliable…

    I understand that it is extremely frustrating to go through what you are going through, but maybe the problem (CTP?) can be taken care of and the result may be better than what you may imagine now…

    I was just reading this below from an article at http://areason.org which link someone else posted on this forum somewhere. The article was written by someone you can probably more relate to:

     
  5. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    If there is a better option why have I been suffering for over 2 years. They push antidepressants toward me, but the fact remains that I would be happy if I wasn't in pain. They are ignoring the problem.

    You don't have testicles do you? If you feel like you've been nailed there you are not a happy person. No amount of "pain control" will help that. The doctors only press it on you to line their pockets because of GREED.

    My doctor hasn't been reliable either, but I have gotten more information over the Internet about my pain than through him, so I won't say anything negative about the internet in that respect.

    If it can be taken care of then why the hell hasn't it been? Why do I read stories of people suffering for years with pain in the testicles and referred pain resulting from testicular injury? That WILL NOT BE ME. I refuse to live with this for that long.

    Sorry but nothing in that quote related to my situation. The truth is that if I kill myself I will not be abused anymore, I will not be in pain, and I will not be forced to repay medical bills that did not correct the problem in the first place. They don't get paid and I don't get to enjoy my life, but if I don't kill myself I will be miserable anyway, so this is really a good idea.

    After two years of pain and feeling broken down and unable to work I am ready to go. I won't be blown off or denied medical treatment anymore. I am a burden to my family and they are frustrated. I can't do what I once could. I have massive debts and legal troubles coming and they won't have any sympathy either.

    If anybody has a right to bitch it is me. It's not some sad, lonely person who is upset nobody likes them and they're too fat. I have a REAL issue and killing myself is the only viable solution to my Hell, otherwise I will face MORE MISERY than I do not deserve.

    I hate to do it, but what choice do I have? Just cry and scream when I'm in pain and get treated like complete shit? I don't think so. See ya.
     
  6. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    :blink:
     
  7. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    Yeah, call me crazy but I think there are too many people who complain about easily resolved or stupid problems. There I said it. Blink like a fool all you want.
     
  8. Pickett

    Pickett Well-Known Member

    I received an appointment for my MRI. No scrotal injuries should take this long to diagnose and repair. If it goes bad I will be forced to take matters into my own hand. I'm barely hanging on by a thread and will do what I must do and not fear ridicule. They are taking too long and I won't feel obligated to pay my medical bills if they don't do their job.
     
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