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I dont think hes a abuser...

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by ThoseEmptyWalls, May 11, 2008.

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  1. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    My mom encouraged me to call a abuse hotline today after I spoke with her this morning. I guess she felt it would be difficult if something came of it and she was trying to work on the case - stickly profession point of view I think..

    The other day my husband done something that alarmed me. He never done something that bad before. I wasnt afraid or anything I was just very dissapointed, upset, ashamed, worried, ect. My son had took his milk crate into the kicthen, opened the cabnet, and climbed on the crate to get some food from the cabnet. My husband jumped up, started screaming, hurried into the kitchen, grabbed my son by the arm, and yanked him off the milk crate. My mind may of been playing tricks on me but I swore I saw my baby hit the floor.. My baby ran to me. Screaming his head off of course and climbed up on my lap. I comforted him. I just held him close to me for the longest time.. Eventually he was calm and went about his day (the baby I mean). I became enraged at my husband but I couldnt do anything about it. Today it became this huge fight and I called the abuse hotline.. The woman I spoke with said he has the typical abuser personality.. He admits to doing the bad things then changes his mind saying that Im crazy, Im dilusion, I made it up and he didnt do it only to change his mind back a little later. He will offer to call the doctors, our case worker, go to the ER and then backs down. He cancels appointments that have been set up for him.. He yells and cusses at me. He claims hes just cussing and its not aimed at me but it is. Hes raised his hand to hit me a few times but only swung at me once. I moved and his fist hit one of the kitchen cabnets.. I dont think hes a abuser though as this behavior wasnt there at first..We have been together almost six years and lived together over a year with no problems..He was perfectly respectful, loving, caring, sensative, honest, sweet, all that stuff. Then he changed.. He cheated on me, couldnt work anymore because the doctors found a sever problem, we had this bloody cps case opened against us, I think those are whats causing this.. I do believe he could have BPD but Im not sure.. Maybe Im to blame.. I have yelled at him and even hit him.. Maybe hes just treating me like he thinks I treat him.. By why drag our son into it? ... Sorry, I just wanted to get it off my chest and I thought this would be the place to do it..
  2. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    please dont blame yourself for his actions, you are so not a fault.
    It is normal for people with an abuse personality to blame the abuse on someone else, to disassociate themselves from it.
    If you are at risk please talk to someone and get away, wherever that may be its better than you or your little ones being in danger.
  3. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    I dont feel like Im in any danger and he never blames me for his actions.. He just somtimes says that he didnt act exactly like I said he did...
  4. Jolanta

    Jolanta Member & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Honey, he is an abuser and you need to leave before you or your child get hurt or killed. :eek:hmy: Go to the hospital emergency room if you have to, they will know where to send you. And do not get the idea that you are to blame, he is the person who cannot keep his temper.

    with love from Jolanta
  5. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Give him an ultimatum. Either he goes with you to see a therapist, or you are gone. Ask him when would be a good time for him so he can't say he's too busy or back out. Go together. Ride in the car together, even, so he can't change his mind.

    If he backs out and has a lame excuse, leave with the baby. Don't make a scene, just do it when he's not there. Then call and tell him that if he wants you to come back, HE will call and make an appointment at the therapist's office and you will meet him there for the session. Do not go back to him or even SEE him until he complies. If he backs out again, well, he obviously doesn't want to save the marriage or change his behavior then there's your answer.
  6. soapymongoose

    soapymongoose Well-Known Member

    These little things all add up and form a twisted, bigger picture. Once I carried 2 two litre bottles of Pepsi from a car to the house. No big deal, nothing too strenuous, 1 in each hand. Go back for some more stuff.


    That's an excuse to have me up against a wall for being "lazy, and while I'm at it here's a list of grievances I've been storing up for a while." That's my step-dad for you, any excuse for a barney really. Uually ended with me in a heap as he seemed to enjoy stomach punching to the degree that I wouldn't have any breath for a while. Which made me a "big girl" obviously. I mean, I was 30 years younger and 15 stone lighter with long-ish hair and couldn't take a punch. What else would I look like to him?

    Obv. I can't correlate your partner to being like my step-dad from reading this one post but it doesn't half sound familiar.Just because I know where these "little" things have led me :unsure:
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