Things have gone up and down over the past few weeks but tonight I feel like I'm a mess. I want to die so badly and even though my new medication is helping with the mood swings, it is not helping with the suicidal thoughts. I just want to end it and I am running out of reasons why to stay alive. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to die. I am not a good person and I am sick and always have been. I have been in the hospital seven times in the last three years and I refuse to go back. I just want this to be over. I don't know what to do anymore.