I have ptsd and other issues.. I went through more in my childhood than most do in a lifetime. I have always struggled.. barely hanging on. For the past few years the only person to be there for me was my boyfriend. We had lived together a year.. dated a couple of years and were best friends for much longer. He was the entirety of my world. All of my hopes and dreams involved him. He promised me the world. He promised we'd get married in a year or so when I was done with my college. He promised we'd have kids and move away.. and be happy and not need anyone else. He promised he'd never leave. He promised me everything.. and I believed it all. I went to stay with my family for a few days. He broke up with me over a text message. A text message. He wouldn't even speak to me.. he left my things outside the apartment. He blocked my number. He wouldn't even give me a phone call. He wouldn't even explain. I don't understand how he could hurt me like this. I don't understand this. It was 2 weeks ago. I've lost 18lbs since. I've been cutting myself. I can't keep anything down.. barely even fluids. I can't stay asleep for long. When I do fall asleep in my dreams we are together. I wake up up hurting so bad I can barely breathe. I was going to tell him the night I came back that I was pregnant. I never got the chance. He wouldn't even talk to me. He wouldn't even listen.. he blocked my number. I feel so hysterical.. I feel so shattered. I feel murdered. I don't have anyone else besides him except a few family members. All of my friends were his first and now they won't speak to me. I have nothing. I have no hopes and no dreams and no friends. I left a message on one of his friends phones about the pregnancy. He didn't believe me. I don't have money. I'm just a student. I was living with him.. now I'm with a family member. I couldn't have kept the baby. I had an abortion yesterday. I couldn't havea baby by a man who hates me when I can barely keep myself alive. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to disapear. I want to fall asleep and never wake up. Everything hurts. I can't take it anymore. He was the only one that ever pretended to care, to be there, to understand, to love me and now I know it was all fake. I know I never mattered to him. I dont want to live. I'm not going to attempt now because if I do the last thing I would ever want is another failed one. I failed once before. I overdosed it was pretty serious but not enough.. I was in the icu for a while my heart stopped... it's hard to kill yourself! and I know I don't want to have to go inpatient. That was one of the worst experiences of my life. I just wish I'd fall asleep and never wake up. That way I wouldn't have to do it myself. I can't handle this. I can't feel this way anymore. I have been through so so much in my short life but I have never ever felt this hurt and worthless and betrayed and miserable and hopeless. I've got to figure something out. I can't do this. I'm shaking and crying and underweight and completely alone. I don't know what to do. I just want to die fast and easy and never have to be hurt by another person ever again. Nothing good has ever happened to me. No one has ever cared about me. My entire life has been one hurt and one blow after another. I can't take it anymore.