I've been suicidal for a long time now, I'd feel that way for months and months at a time and try and attempt and fail in a vicious circle till finally I had enough and I planned to make sure the next time I tried I'd make sure I would have nothing to live for. So now I have absolutely no money ( in fact I've just about destroyed my credit limit, and owe money to the bank and credit companies), I have stopped talking to and destroyed most of my friendships and family relationships except with my boyfriend (but I've became so bitter and hurt him emotionally with all my prior attempts), I went from and almost 85 average to around a 60 in university and all this happened because I was suppose to die. I destroyed my entire life because I was suppose to die. I didn't realize how much I had and how I could of probably gotten help but now I have to die. I always wanted to die, but now that I have to die a cruel sadness is washing over me. It feels unfair but it's all my fault and now I have to die. Worst of all, even if I could fix my life I have no supports. The hospital doesn't take me seriously because of all my priors. My diagnoses of Borderline makes them think I'm an attention seeker and my boyfriend is exhausted. It's sad, but I have to die.