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i dont think i can go on

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by shuddertothink, Sep 4, 2010.

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  1. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    i tried calling a suicide hotline just to get things off my chest about an hour ago, and i guess they must have traced my number because a cop showed up, and i had to lie to get him to leave. When i decide to do this i will do it right this time, no chance of living through it again. I have had enough, my life has been shit since i was a child, use your imagination and you're probably right. I am not happy and i see no way to become happy. I became an addict for a long time but i cant do that anymore so now that i have to deal with everything sober it's doing a number on me.
    i have thought long and hard about this and i really see no other option, because i cant stand being miserable anymore. My family has nothing to do with me because im gay, my friends are only interested in what i can do for them, my boyfriend is history after knocking te hell out of me for relapsing by shooting dilaudid. so... what more is there to say? im not perfect, i cant be.
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Sounds like you tried to get help. Please pursue that...I don't know which countries or states in the U.S. allow this but most hotlines are anonymous. Please try to find one that is and try again. Please don't give up because of this particlual experience. Take care...be safe...

  3. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    thanks, but after that i wont be calling any more hotlines. Plus im threw talking to my therapist, she's a joke. if i cant overcome this on my own i wont overcome it at all.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I hope you change your mind about leaving...
    Maybe you need to change your therapist if she's not helping...
    there are some things in life we can't do without help and I believe struggling with depression is one of them.
    You were doing well with your addiction and a relapse is not the end....you've given it up once you can do it again
    just don't give up the fight
  5. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    thanks. the truth is im tired. and im not strong enough to overcome all this shit on my own. i have had a number of therapists but never hving experienced this themselves, they dont know shit. Im sure they mean well but... it just doesnt make a difference.
  6. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you are at the end of your rope, and feel like quitting. It's pointless to reach out, no one can help, and no one really cares.

    Been there. A lot.

    What would make things better? Like in your wildest dreams, what would you want to happen to make life more tolerable?
  7. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    i wish i knew. i really do, i would welcome the help if it would actually make a difference. is there something i havent already tried that im unaware of? things i want? well i would love to move back to new york and start over but it's just not possible right now.
  8. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I hate to offer advice, but have you tried going to a 12 step meeting, maybe NA? It might offer support for sobriety and help you feel less alone.

    Have you told your therapist how bad you are feeling?

    Try not to do anything to harm yourself, it sounds like you still can figure a way out of this. You seem like a thoughtful guy who has survived a lot in life, keep fighting, even if it seems impossible.
  9. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    drop everything and leave. find somewhere to relieve your mind. i'm thinking of doing the same. get away from the shit that is causing you to feel bad. including people.
  10. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    i have done 12 step meetings, and IOP (intensive out patient) all it did was help me with the drug part. Sure i relapsed but i can handle that, it's everything else that i cant. Yes i have told my therapist how bad im feeling and nothing is ever done, not even a med adjustment.
    ive already harmed myself, thats an almost everyday thing, cutting, burning, you know. but it's escalating... so i dunno.
  11. shuddertothink

    shuddertothink Well-Known Member

    if only i could. but even if i did that i would have to wait til the beginning of next nmonth, because i get ssi for bi-polar disorder, among other things. and that doesn't go very far. believe me i wish i could juist pick up and go.
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