i tried calling a suicide hotline just to get things off my chest about an hour ago, and i guess they must have traced my number because a cop showed up, and i had to lie to get him to leave. When i decide to do this i will do it right this time, no chance of living through it again. I have had enough, my life has been shit since i was a child, use your imagination and you're probably right. I am not happy and i see no way to become happy. I became an addict for a long time but i cant do that anymore so now that i have to deal with everything sober it's doing a number on me. i have thought long and hard about this and i really see no other option, because i cant stand being miserable anymore. My family has nothing to do with me because im gay, my friends are only interested in what i can do for them, my boyfriend is history after knocking te hell out of me for relapsing by shooting dilaudid. so... what more is there to say? im not perfect, i cant be.