I don't know why I'm here. I can't see how anyone's mere words can help. My wife is divorcing me. She's been ill to the point of being disabled for the last few years and although I've tried to devote (gladly) my life to her needs and desires, she is mentally changing, partially due to her disability and partially due to the fact that I've had to spend the last 2 years away from home 4 nights a week. She no longer wants to be married to me after 12 years. I'm 55, not going to start over and don't want to try. This woman has been the love of my life. I'd rather die as her husband than live without her and the rest of the family. Not sure why I came here. Was looking at websites trying to figure out a painless way to end it all. Every site said to talk, so here I am. But I can't see how words will change the fact that my life will not be worth living after this. I think I'm done. Maybe I'll come back here to this site, I don't know. Thanks for letting me say this and for taking the time to read it though. If there are some others like me here who can wait a bit to see if there's any possible way out, I encourage you to do so. I'm going to take until Christmas or New Years I think, but I don't see any way out of this and am not hopeful of finding one. I never thought I'd come to this. But I can't live with this pain day in and day out for the rest of my life, thinking about the life and family I lost and wondering how they are doing, desperately missing them, loving them from afar with no reciprocation. It's been 30 hours since my wife told me she's filing for divorce and will not consider counseling or any attempts to save our marriage. It was like speaking to somepne I'd never met. Over the phone, too. Oh God, I don't think I'm strong enough to endure this. I have a doctor's appt., a routine checkup scheduled months ago, for Monday morning. I can't tell him about this though. If he got me to somehow not do this, I'll forever be the suicidal nut on my records. And if he can't help me, well then nothing is lost. I never though I'd come to this. There's no way out. God forgive me. I'm sorry to take up anyone's time with this. I'm desperate, but I'm not coming from a history of suicidal thoughts, I've been through loss before... This is so very different. I don't know what I want or need here. Thank you for your time anyway.