I'm an addict, always have been. Ever since I was a child I've been fascinated by drugs, but I never did them until later in life and after lots of research. My father and mother are both recovering alcoholics, I've never seen them take a drink in my entire life though. I started drinking and smoking marijuana at about 16, experimented with ecstasy and shrooms at 17, lsd, lsa, dxm, nitrous, salvia, heroin, coke at 18, dmt at 19, rc's at 20, scripts at 21, and now here i am at 22.... I've smoked marijuana and drank daily since 16...it is really taking a toll on my body and mind. I've been suicidal since before I ever did drugs and oddly, they helped me a lot. I'm attempting to quit but the hunger I have for altered states of mind is just too much. I'm feeling terribly and now on week 2 of sobriety, but I doubt it will last too long. Right now I am having a ridiculously hard time staying clean and my family situation is making me too depressed to think straight. My grandfather was diagnosed with terminal cancer recently and won't be with us much longer. My best friends father, who was like a father to me, got terminal cancer and died a few months ago. My grandmother also has cancer, but at the moment it doesn't seem absolutely life threatening. I just don't know if I can take this all...i need to feel numb.