I don't think I can take it anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ulrike, Jun 4, 2014.

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  1. Ulrike

    Ulrike Member

    For the last few days I've been feeling extremely down and constantly depressed. Nothing seems to help and nothing has been able to get my mind off of my life. I'm very suicidal. I feel like tonight could be the night.

    I'm currently in a very financially unstable situation. I'm unemployed with my unemployment claim stalled for no apparent reason (or no reason they're willing to give me). As well, I've got bills I know for a fact I can't afford without having any form of income and my lack of a degree means I have absolutely 0 chance to get a job in my field. The only reason I had my previous job was because I got lucky and found a bank that was willing to hire me prior to completion of my degree.

    But I don't think that the origin of my problems comes from finances. I don't think I'm suicidal (and considering doing it tonight) because I'm in financially screwed. I think it's because I can't deal with my family anymore. Their intolerance and their beliefs conflict with mine so much that it's actually got me to the point that I no longer want to be near them or related to them. They don't realize that the things they say about trans people hurts me even though it's clearly obvious.

    Every night I try to sleep but I can't because I know I'm in an unsafe environment mentally and quite likely physically. I want to tell them that I'm trans but I know that at best I'd end up homeless because of their beliefs. It's starting to feel like suicide is my only option to get out of this now. It only takes my mom deciding to search my room like she tends to do when I'm not home and she'll find the hormones. It'll only be a matter of time before they start to notice my body changing. I just want to get out of here. I just want to be myself. I'm at the edge and not sure if I can take anymore of this.
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Please do not despair, you current crisis is difficult but you need to speak to someone. The depression you feel will get you down but you can get through it. You do NOT need to think thoughts about suicide, as your life is to precious.

    The thing with the hormones is difficult especially if your family do not know about. You need to be strong for yourself as the stress of your situation is not helping you. Please do not fret as that does no good for you. You need to de stress yourself and decide what your short term and long term life goals are. Yes life is tough with no job and prospects but that is just short term. Things do change but you need to believe in yourself.

    You have NOT done nothing wrong and their is nothing to be ashamed off as we live in a society where everyone should be treated equally. Just do not anything and I hope you just keep posting here. We are here to help you and not judge you.

    Remember life is precious just like yours. PM me if you want to talk.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 5, 2014
  3. Ulrike

    Ulrike Member

    It doesn't seem all that precious to anyone. Even I don't think it is anymore. I was feeling good up until yesterday. Today things got even worse when the person I liked told me that they had gotten back with their ex. Sure, I haven't known them a long time but idk... I just feel like this is the same thing that's happened in every relationship I try to start. They always end up back with their exes and I honestly just can't take it anymore... I'm so depressed right now that I feel like the best thing for me to do is just die.
     
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    Please don't end it. I also am not understood by my family members, but so what.
     
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