I don't think I know how to love...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by svm299, Mar 30, 2013.

  1. svm299

    svm299 Member

    I've always been the girl that people could love. Then I would push them so far away they would hate me. After I realize what I've done I run away because I know I've hurt them. They only loved who they thought they knew. When they get to know me I start to feel vulnerable and seem to sabotage it. I'm so tired of this cycle. I've lost relationship after relationship from me running. These people were always willing to give me the world. The way I see it they only wanted what they couldn't have because I wouldn't give in. It hurts because i hate hurting people. There just isn't one ounce of me that is willing to give someone the chance to do it to me. This has caused so much pain and confusion in my life. I don't talk to my family much because I don't want them to know how I'm doing. They never really cared before. I put my friends and romantic interests before them. I still always end up pushing them away. Somehow I always end up feeling vulnerable and insignificant. I have never met someone like myself. It horrifies me. I just want to know what it's like to care without fear. I wanna know how to hold on without sabotaging. I think deep down I don't believe I deserve to be happy or cared about. Yet there is a part of me that knows humans don't commit. People lie, steal, want what they can't have, and get bored when they get what they want. It's such a consistent pattern I've watched. I don't know how to allow that in my life anymore. I just don't want to hold myself back either. I don't want to hurt people anymore though. These people don't even know how much I care about them or need them. Only because I can't bring myself to let them know. I feel like the minute I ever have or that I start to it just gets abused. Is there anyone else out there like me?
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I have the same problem, I always push people away if they get too close, or find ways to sabotage the relationship if it feels too normal or actually makes me happy. I can't pinpoint the exact reason why this happens, but I've been doing it for as long as I can remember. Maybe if you can find the root of the problem, then you can take steps to fix it.
  3. svm299

    svm299 Member

    Thank you. It's just nice to know their are others. :)
  4. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    I've spent most of my life dealing with the same issue. In my case, it was because of sexual abuse in my childhood. I just had no idea how to deal with people in a healthy relationship, and when people would try to get close, it would terrify me, and I would push them away. I also hurt people, and that was the last thing I wanted.

    What helped me most, was realizing why I was doing what I was doing. I'm at a point now where I know I deserve to be in positive relationships, and I'm less tempted to push people away. I still struggle, but I'm doing a lot better.

    And there are good people out there, who can love openly, and give and receive friendship and love.
  5. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    The root is often simple self esteem and self hate. I think you said it clearly - you hate yourself for being as you are - and as long as you feel that way you will continually sabotage relationships you feel you do not "deserve". I think most often the "fix" is learning to accept and be happy with yourself first then trying the relationship though I am uncertain how one would step into and break the circle to begin with for that to happen.....
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I have a slightly different view - not one that could be significant, but if it helps more than hinders, it's a bonus.

    From what i'm seeing, communication is the barrier. Not the relationships (be it romantic, friends, or family), or the emotional side. I'd suggest looking for some way that works for you to try that. It could be what is then also not helping the relationships/emotions, as you start trusting people, then feel vulnerable and insignificant but don't constructively open up enough to allow others to know this, which has the knock on effort of bringing about the sabotage.