I don't think I'll make it to 50

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mistyeyz, Aug 28, 2010.

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  1. mistyeyz

    mistyeyz New Member

    I am 43 and I don't think I will make it to 50. I have not used drugs (illegal) in my life but am now seriously considering it. When I was younger I called friends to tell them how sad I was and if I was suicidal. I wrote some suicide notes. Things have changed. Now I don't talk about it. It has become more serious not some suicidal drama. Leaving a suicide note just isn't gonna happen. To me, these are signs that it is getting closer to happening. I am not going to do any attempts. I will do it right. And right now I am in a bad state.
  2. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    You're talking about it here, so that indicates that there's reason to hope. What's got you feeling so low lately? The seriousness is incredibly grand for your case, and you're right, the lack of communication to other people means that suicide is becoming more of a reality for you-- but it doesn't have to happen. There is still time to get better, time enough for you to make it to 50 and beyond. Have you ever gone to any therapy? Or counseling at all? Or did you always rely on your friends? Are there any support systems you can rely on now?

    I'm here to listen, not to tell you how to live your life, or to beg you to stay around. The only person who can save you is yourself, and the fact is that you are capable of doing so. You've dealt with this long enough to have reasoned it out for yourself, but I have to ask-- why now? I do hope that you respond because there is still hope, and I won't let that go.

  3. Tome811

    Tome811 Member

    I too will not leave a "note". Only an e-mail telling everyone in my address book that it's time. Now, they can converge on my home and pilfer through all of mine and my Mother's belongings. I hope that the pills are still potent enough to do the job. I learned a little while back that a couple of glasses of wine on an empty stomach will put me in the mind frame of going ahead and getting it done. I only hope that when I get it done, my little pet won't be left to suffer for long before someone comes and gets him out of here.

    Every day is a bad state for me. No one cares. It's proven daily and I cry out about how much life sucks and no one F'ing cares. Plenty of strangers say they do, but again, talk is cheap. No one really does. People care about themselves and their own. Period. And with some, like me, my "own" have turned their backs on me and are just sitting and waiting for word that I am gone. The money is running out and I have no option but to leave.

    Good luck to you. Hope you can find an option in your world.
  4. I-Died-In-My-Dream

    I-Died-In-My-Dream Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you're very serious. If there's no convincing you out of it anymore then all I can say is that make sure you've got your method right because the last thing you want is to be lying in bed all day unable to move any of your limbs.
  5. I-Died-In-My-Dream

    I-Died-In-My-Dream Well-Known Member

    ThinkingCap is right, there must still be some hope of stopping you if you're here to talk about it.

    Sounds like you're in a rather low mood too. I'd say sleep on the thought and see how you feel first thing in the morning.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i say call crisis and get some help for you and your depression it is treatable unlike some diseases depression is treatable get help okay start feeling better call doctor and get on meds therapy get you back okay take care
  7. mistyeyz

    mistyeyz New Member

    Hi. I was very surprised to see all the replies. Thanks. I am still alive. A little background, I have "major depression". I have had this since I can remember. I have seen counselors since a child. Lots of doctors. Back then they didn't know as much as they know now. I started taking an anti depressant when I was 17 or 18. So, I have these spells of depression.

    My spells have gotten more serious. Two times since Nov 2009 I have been suicidal, one just this last week. I am growing very tired of these spells. I am 43 and it has been a long haul. I do not tell people I am suicidal anymore because I don't want any intervention in case I do carry it out. If I tell my doctor he will put me in the hospital!

    My spell is beginning to lift. Feeling a little better. But as I get older these spells are more difficult to get through. I use to tell myself it is just a spell and it will lift. It worked. Now it just makes me weary. I don't think I will make it to 50.
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