I'm 17, about to turn 18 very soon and coming to a close on my senior year of high school. College looms in the near future and while my peers celebrate I'm here absolutely drenched in anxiety. Academically and intellectually I think I'm well prepared for college but socially and emotionally I'm just a wreck. I feel like I'm lagging behind my peers emotionally maybe two years or so. Yeah, I feel like a 10th grader honestly. Only recently am I starting to get a taste of what "normal" teenagers are supposed to do.
All these years of grappling with depression and other personality disorders (more like defense mechanisms gone wrong trying to protect my fragile ego) have stunted my development and my natural personality is rather demure and melancholy anyways. In the end, such a radical life change such as letting go of my parents and being all alone again in a university scares the shit out of me.
I went to visit a campus earlier today and it seemed like every last shred of confidence I was trying to build up over the years just slipped away. I just felt so weird and out of place. I look more like a 15 or 16 year old as well. Feels like I'm just desperately watching my hourglass trickle down. I need more time...
All these years of grappling with depression and other personality disorders (more like defense mechanisms gone wrong trying to protect my fragile ego) have stunted my development and my natural personality is rather demure and melancholy anyways. In the end, such a radical life change such as letting go of my parents and being all alone again in a university scares the shit out of me.
I went to visit a campus earlier today and it seemed like every last shred of confidence I was trying to build up over the years just slipped away. I just felt so weird and out of place. I look more like a 15 or 16 year old as well. Feels like I'm just desperately watching my hourglass trickle down. I need more time...