I don't think I'm ready

I'm 17, about to turn 18 very soon and coming to a close on my senior year of high school. College looms in the near future and while my peers celebrate I'm here absolutely drenched in anxiety. Academically and intellectually I think I'm well prepared for college but socially and emotionally I'm just a wreck. I feel like I'm lagging behind my peers emotionally maybe two years or so. Yeah, I feel like a 10th grader honestly. Only recently am I starting to get a taste of what "normal" teenagers are supposed to do.

All these years of grappling with depression and other personality disorders (more like defense mechanisms gone wrong trying to protect my fragile ego) have stunted my development and my natural personality is rather demure and melancholy anyways. In the end, such a radical life change such as letting go of my parents and being all alone again in a university scares the shit out of me.

I went to visit a campus earlier today and it seemed like every last shred of confidence I was trying to build up over the years just slipped away. I just felt so weird and out of place. I look more like a 15 or 16 year old as well. Feels like I'm just desperately watching my hourglass trickle down. I need more time...

 

Perhaps you do need more time lots of students take a year off after graduation from highschool just to work get grounded until they do feel they are ready If you decide to go ahead to college go into talk to councillors there okay let them know about your mental illness you anxiety so they can have supports set up for you in place before you start. Either way you have to decide when it is you will be ready to take that next step I can tell you college is quite different then high school you will have more freedom and you will meet lots of new people that have your same interest Just make sure you go ahead of time and get the support you need in place okay before starting Tutors support councillor ect. hugs

 

You would be surprised how many seniors are just as afraid as you are...this is a very stressful time...moving away..meeting new people, etc....many ppl just look like they are handling it better, but we are not in their heads...take each experience as it comes and try to see what makes you the most comfortable...here, in the US, we have Community Colleges which are 2 year programs, and serve as a transition betw high school and uni...do these exist where you are and if so, would this ease the transition? Keep posting and expressing how you are feeling...this will help you sort out what is going on for you...big hugs, J

 

Thanks Eclipse and Sadeyes,

I thought about taking a gap year and a two year community college, but my family and friends are kind of academically oriented so I fear that I'm going to be looked down upon for those kinds of things. So far I'm just taking things one day at a time. I'm hoping that maybe I'll suffer transition anxiety for a few weeks but eventually things will smooth out after that. I don't know though, guess I should really discuss it with my counselor (even though they are hardly trained in mental health it seems).

I'm not sure about the same interests thing too, I'm not really into drinking or partying. :biggrin:

 

did you know that most employers look favorable at people that have done a college course as well as a uni course It doesn't matter what your parents feel right now what matters is what you feel okay If you feel college course will benefit your studies then do it okay. Less stressful in college then uni.
Also lots of students do not drink and party they are there to do well the ones that really are serious I hope you meet up with some one that does not care to party as well I do hope you feel better soon hun hugs

 

Hello Monsieur.

This is me, totally. Just in the last week have I started to feel like a teenager. If we haven't figured this out, then how is university going to go?

I think that if we didn't have to deal with people, we'd both be fine.