I don't think it gets better. TW

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Celestex0, Mar 31, 2013.

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  1. Celestex0

    Celestex0 Member

    I have come to this fucked up conclusion that it will never get easier. 5 years of self harm for me and I think its impossible to get any better. I slice myself open and that's the only way I ever feel okay . I'm so tired of disappointing myself.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there and welcome to the forum. I'm really sorry you are feeling this way.. what's going on for you? It does help to talk, even if it is to a stranger x
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sh is so short term hun i do hope you can reach out and get some therapy to help you Just want to say hi
  4. Celestex0

    Celestex0 Member

    the real question is what isn't going on? All the bad shit happens all at once. And as for therapy, I don't want my family to know about my sh.
  5. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Would your family need to know to pay the fees? Have you thought about self help groups for self harm? There, like here, there's a shared understanding. It can be impossible to start recovery alone. Everyone needs help and support. Some of us, like me for instance, need specialised help.
  6. Celestex0

    Celestex0 Member

    I was in a group but it ended, then I was working with a friend of a friend who was a therapist, but she got offered a job in Boston so that ended. I just don't know if I want to be "helped" . Like I've lived with sh for so long, maybe its just something I have to accept & cope with.
  7. Celestex0

    Celestex0 Member

    Am I crazy for not wanting to get better?
  8. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I don't necessarily think you don't want to get better, but maybe you are scared of losing the coping mechanism you have coped with for so long. I have been in that place fighting a mood disorder. I have lived with it for over 10 years then when I really had to change my life for the better, I was resistant because this had been apart of my life for so long that it almost felt like I was losing apart of me.
  9. Celestex0

    Celestex0 Member

    What sparked you wanting to change?
  10. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Hope you don't mind if I reply to above query whilst Butterfly is asleep / at work . It's 8am our time.
    For me reading the posts of others on here. Seeing how they were seeking help, trying to learn how to do things differently, seeing how things did change for others. All this gave me a tiny smidgen of hope. That was also terrifying. I had been stuck in a bleak but safe place for a very long time. I joined this site near the beginning of a downward slide. Started really using the site when the loneliness of being totally alone made ending my life appear the only solution. We all need support. If we can't get it or enough from friends, families we have to look else where. Best wishes and stay with us.
  11. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Self harm can seen a useful coping mechanism when I am going through a a bad patch I tend to exercise a lot or constantly try to keep busy, maybe instead of harming you can write something on your computer it doesn't have to make sense or keep a diary/journal.
  12. Celestex0

    Celestex0 Member

    Thank you very much , I appreciate your optimism, its refreshing.
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