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I don't understand how to bring life back

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cluster, Oct 10, 2007.

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  1. Cluster

    Cluster Active Member

    I've always been a solitary person, and thought a lot differently than other people. I have friends.. I think, but I don't feel like I do.. as I feel misunderstood. I've been depressed a lot the past couple years, but recently it's been affecting my badly. I always hanged onto my dreams, which I want to accomplish.. but recently I havent been able to accomplish anything because of my self doubt and pessimism.. I know that deep in my heart the passion is still there but this demonic depression is eating away at it. Without my dream, I have nothing to get me through, it is all I want and now it's dying because I can't be productive or work on it because I've been so scared of failure and am pessimistic about my abillities.
    I am only 16, but feel like it's too late to start over.. though I know it isn't..
    School is hard for me aswell as I blame it for making me feel like a prisoner and I have insomnia sometimes so I'm tired during the day, making me feel horrible and even more unaccomplished.

    I am also very lonely, I've never had a boyfriend.. I'm not that unattractive but I've been at an all girls school pretty much all my life so I know hardly any guys which is also bad since I am the type who fits in with guys better. I feel like I never will have anyone because of this.. but if I dont sort out my life and state of mind I will never have a happy relationship.. this is why i need help.

    I half know there is potential for me living life well but if my state of mind carries on like this I know there is no way I can live up to my dreams. I know that I can change, but I have tried but it keeps coming back; my negative feelings and fear of life. My doubts are traitors and keep me from the fight I can win.

    Help please =[[[
  2. ultrameatball

    ultrameatball Member

  3. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I too am very pessimistic and doubt my own ability. 99% of my time is spent under a cloud of anxiety and worry, it is a pain in the ass. I have managed somehow to make it a bit farther along though, I'm 21 and just got a college degree under my belt. Regarding relationships, I am in a similar boat. But fuck all this anyway. I don't care about myself and thus don't expect anyone else to care about me either.

    I spend my days fantasizing about a mad gunman, stray drunken driver, or loose meteor coming my way so I don't have to do it myself.
  4. pooky73

    pooky73 New Member

    same here

    ive been through so much personal tragedy, loneliness and depression that going on just seems ridiculous, given the odds. each time I restarted, I just didnt believe in positive things happening to me and boy did that theory ring true.

    can anyone shed some light please? i cant bear current pain.
  5. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    i am 25 and even tho i am often crippled by fear, anxiety and depression i am making it one day at a time to try to create the life i so badly want. i know some things are beyond me but for the things i can do, i take really little baby steps so as not to feel overwhelmed.
    it is possible to have the life you want, you may never be rid of those things that hold you back but you can make it easier to live w/. please dont give up on your dreams, its believing that you can have them that makes all the difference.
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