My first husband was abusive. He rarely left marks...mostly made me do things I didn't want to do by force. Would twist my arm behind my back until I would tell him I would do it, or he would pull my then long hair to whereever he wanted me. He would show me over and over how he would kill me. Put a pillow on the couch, my head on it face down, pillow over my head and hold it there until I was almost uncontious and then say, well not this time. Or hold a gun to my head and tell me in detail how I would die. There's lots more. What I don't get is that this was years ago. I remarried a man who was very angry, but did nothing near what my first husband did. I divoreced husband #2 recently. I don't understand why I feel so bad. I made it through alive. I was in hell. When I left my first husband I was under 100 pounds. I don't remember being sad at the time. I just was trying to survive each day. Why am I so sad now? It just doesn't make sense to me. Every day I wonder what I am living for... Maybe some day it will make sense.