I don't understand why it's this way

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Emily K, Jul 25, 2016.

  1. Emily K

    Emily K Member

    I don't understand why I feel so depressed sometimes while also feeling so happy. I thought everything was going well, and then I just crashed and the world fell on top of me. I still don't even know what happened, but now I'm super depressed, even as much as I used to be, and the light at the end of the tunnel is really really hard to see right now-- I almost think that it's disappeared. All I can think about is how cowardly I am to have not killed myself already-- because that's all I want to do right now. I feel guilt-tripped into living, which is the worst feeling in the world, because I have cats, the most loving friend possible, and a generally good life, but I want to be able to decide for myself if I should continue it. I don't like that I can't decide, and when I've decided that I am going to give up, I always somehow am living three days later. I wish I could just get it over already...I don't understand how my life has to be this way. I don't know how to get through it.
     
  2. IamTetsuo

    IamTetsuo Well-Known Member

    Hey, I'm sorry to hear that. I know how it is, you feel great and things are on track and then next thing you know you're mood has completely flipped. I can feel really happy sometimes too, I think that some people just have a larger capcity for feeling in general and I know that I wouldn't want to be any other way (and honestly I kinda like feeling sad!). Just try to remember that you will be hapy again just like night follows day. I sometimes wish that I could make a choice too, "live or die" - just choose one! but life is not something that we can ultimately make sense of in that manner. I love cats too and I'm glad that yours can help you to keep going.
     
    SillyOldBear likes this.
  3. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    I am sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time of it here lately. Life likes to hit it when we least expect it.

    Have you thought about seeing psychiatrist? Maybe your problem is something that you will need some meds to help you stay away from down low and the pit of sadness. You could try keeping a journal of how you are feeling , never underestimate how better you will feel after you put it down on paper and off of you. Keeping a journal really helped me when I was going through a rough time, it helps to flip back a couple of days to see where you were then and how far you have come and all the progress you have made.

    Take care of yourself ; because if anything happens to you then who will look after the cats? =)