I don't understand why I feel so depressed sometimes while also feeling so happy. I thought everything was going well, and then I just crashed and the world fell on top of me. I still don't even know what happened, but now I'm super depressed, even as much as I used to be, and the light at the end of the tunnel is really really hard to see right now-- I almost think that it's disappeared. All I can think about is how cowardly I am to have not killed myself already-- because that's all I want to do right now. I feel guilt-tripped into living, which is the worst feeling in the world, because I have cats, the most loving friend possible, and a generally good life, but I want to be able to decide for myself if I should continue it. I don't like that I can't decide, and when I've decided that I am going to give up, I always somehow am living three days later. I wish I could just get it over already...I don't understand how my life has to be this way. I don't know how to get through it.