I am wired differently, I feel like I'm not built to be a person. I have some really great friends who genuinely care and they have made huge efforts and shown they don't want me to do what I want to do but I am extremely unhappy. I know I should get another job, any job and that's easy enough but I don't have it in me to go out into the world. This boy has shown me he doesn't want me but I still want him back. I have a little sister who also went through the same thing I'm going through now - in this same apartment, on the same bed I'm sitting in now, she says she tried a few not-so-fool-proof ways to off herself. She's who has been calling me everyday from overseas to make sure I'm still alive. Between her, the rest of my family and my friends, I should have all the reasons to want to get up and be better. This includes sweet revenge on the boy by maybe running into him again one day and he would see how much better I was. But I do not to exist anymore. I just want it all to stop. Not wake up, you know? I think I need to be checked into a facility but A. Down here that's really expensive and B. I feel like knowing that would drive me even crazier.