I don't understand

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by astella, Mar 1, 2009.

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  1. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    I don't know why no one loves me. Why my friends place so little value on me. Why they don't care that I'm suicidal. Why they don't care I was forced to go to a mental ward for a week and a half. Why only one of them even asked me where I was. Why I cry all the time, and none of them come to try to comfort me. Why I feel so alone.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, Astella.

    I'm pretty sure that your friends do care. But, I suspect a few things were happening.

    Some people are very uncomfortable with their own feelings - and thus, with another person's sad or angry feelings. They'd rather run than have to deal with the other person because dealing with the other person stirs up all their own feelings.

    Next, although it's sad, there is still some social taboo related to mental health issues. That would also make some people feel uncomfortable. It's hard enough to see someone you care about in hospital and in pain of any kind. When there's a social taboo about the kind of pain or illness, I think it's even harder for some people to face it. (Maybe they're just chickens. :wink:)

    Some people are afraid they will say the wrong things and make you feel worse. They don't realize that staying away or saying nothing makes you feel so bad. They may not even know what to say.

    So, overall, I think people have their own issues about their own feelings, and they're scared of situations that might force them to deal those. I'm sorry you felt so isolated.

    The crying and feeling alone are most likely signs of depression. Do you have follow up with your doctor or a counselor now that you're out of the hospital?

    At any rate, I hope you've begun to feel better since your stay in hospital. Please take care of yourself. :hug:
     
  3. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    :hug:

    Hmmm I always hated philosophy for those very questions. I'm sure you have many people who care about you. Perhaps they just never learned how to articulate their affection. Besides if they don't, I like you. And James Lyon's affection is worth like one hundred normal people's. It's true...just check out jameslyonsissoincrediblywonderful.com A site I humbly designed myself.

    In all seriousness, please don't feel too bad. Don't let your mind get caught up in such a negative cycle of self-doubt. I don't knw what makes you feel this way, but I know that my own struggles with depression have made me question these things. And if your doubts are like mine, and come with depressive bouts, then there is a good chance that it's just the depression talking.

    How about this. Write a friendly text message and send it to the majority of people in your phone. See how many respond. It's an easy way to start the communication circle again.

    Best,

    Jaems.

    You aren't alone.
     
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    They could just be awful friends?

    When I look back at who's been supportive of me when I was ill, my ex gf has helped as best as she could, and I'm grateful, but you know what was interesting? When I started to get better and voice the feelings that I'd stifled down and made me so ill in the first place, she started to distance herself.

    When it comes to friends, like friends who will make an effort to show concern when you're ill- in my experience, they are few, and far between. It might be to do with them being afraid of their own emotions or being wrapped up in their own world, but equally, regardless of their fears, it could be because they are not making any effort whatsoever, being in full knowledge that you're not well, to show their concern.

    I don't know your friends personally so I cannot say whether they do care or not. Maybe you should try asking them yourself? I know it's difficult, but maybe when you're better you could open communication with them a little and if, it was just a case of them caring and being afraid and not knowing what to do, then maybe you could tell them what you'd like them to do when you're so trapped, isolated and depressed.

    I hear you. I hear you completely. It's the most horrific feeling to feel so neglected by the people to you look for comfort. I've cried many times because of the feelings you express and it's got nothing to do with my depression.
     
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