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I Dont Understand......

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by ~Tosh~, May 26, 2009.

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  1. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    im on a downward spiral that i cant stop....

    I dont understand the feelings i feel or what is causing the sudden outbreak of tears.. one minute i can be fine, the next suddenly streaming with tears... i dont know what sets it off...

    social services are making me do 'parenting courses' but i dont want to go, i dont want to leave the safe sucure walls i live behind.. i hate being in crowded situations where people can stare at and judge me.. im not a social person...

    i still self harm, mainly my thighs out of sight, but guilt makes me do it more.. i feel i need to bleed to feel better and if i dont i get little anxious and end up doing it anyway..

    ive been drinking a lot over the last few days.. every night until i feel sick.. i dont know how to stop..

    people rely on me, and i cant hold them up as well as myself and im sscared that if i tell them this they'll be upset and wont come to me when i do feel good... and feel i can help them.... :sad:

    at the minute i feel as tho nothing can or will go right for me.. i feel weak, helpless, scared and alone... i dont know what to do.. i dont feel strong enough to fight, yet emma needs me... :cry:
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You ARE strong enough to fight this. And it's okay if you need help. It's okay to ask the people you're close to for some help, some advice ... even jsut a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to you.

    *hugs* PM me if you want to talk.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    So glad you are expressing how you are feeling...this is so important so that you can continue to be a good mom and better to yourself...are you being treated by a doctor or therapist??? if so, please tell him/her how you are doing...if not, maybe this is the time to consider this...again, please continue to let us know how you are...big hugs, J
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Social services is making you do parenting classes?

    More importantly, do you have a therapist that can help you understand. "I don't understand the feelings I feel." That alone says a lot, and therapy really can help you understand! I am speaking from experience. I have not been very willing to change... I still feel depressed/suicidal every day. But, I do understand what is going on and why I feel the way I feel. Where it comes from. I also understand how I can slowly find a path towards good things. This came through therapy. If it's at all possible, I hope you consider that :hug:
    love you Lexi :love:
  5. tonie
    your alot stronger than you give yourself credit for and i expect others will tell you the same thing but you need to give yourself a chance to realise that.
    your job is not exactly stress free with regular hours, you are drinking alot and with Emma you dont have the luxury of just having yourself to worry about.
    those things can take alot out of you and send your emotions on a rollercoaster and its all understandable.

    maybe seeing your gp again or a therapist will help but i good start would be to stop the drinking, that will only promote your low self esteem and keep you down.
    you owe it to yourself for yourself to give yourself a chance.

    stay strong
  6. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    i dont have a therapist, and i dont get along with my GP very much.. i once wrote a letter to my named GP expressing how i felt, telling him i was suicidal, but he referred me onto he psych nurse who hasnt really helped at all so i dont know what to do... :sad:
  7. maybe you need to see a therapist to understand how you feel and to understand your thoughts, it may seem hard to open up to someone new and strange but they have heard it all before and its in total confidence.
    maybe an opinion from someone outside of your comfort zone will give you a fresh perspective on things.

    what have you got to lose??
  8. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    everything...... :cry:
  9. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    oh tonie :hug:

    If you don't get along with your GP have you thought about registering with a GP whom you might get on with? The parenting classes don't have to be taken in a negative sense - from what I know of these classes, they are not suggesting that you are a bad parent or anything like that. They are aiming to help you to find your life easier and to make things easier with a young child which can take its toll on any person.

    You know where I am if you want to talk :hug:

  10. your stronger than you know tonie, trust me.

    you can either give up or fight this and i know your not a quitter hun, dont give up now.
    think of what you want to do with your life and fight towards that goal
  11. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    hoc can i trust someone i dont know? i know, i just dont like leaving my home anymore, i feel safe here.. i dont wanna try something different, i know what i like and like what i know :sad:
  12. catch 22 hun

    but you need to burst the bubble of your comfort zone to get the help you want, i know its scary but i am sure you can do it
  13. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    :cry: i cant.... i feel safe here...
  14. nows not the time to isolate yourself and hide away from life, its time to stop being submissive to lifes challenges and grab the help thats out there, to fight this with fury for yourself and for emma.
    time to say ' f**k you world, you wont beat me ! '.
  15. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    i barely go out anymore, i dont go out with friends very often, friends have stopped talking to me... :cry: if im not working im looking after emma and i dont leave the house very often.. i cant do it
  16. well i know you can hun

    its like going out to work except you have a different destination, but ok, ask yourself this, if in 20 years time emma came to you with the same issues what would you say to her?
  17. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    i dont know.... i just hope she never goes through anything i have...
  18. then knowledge and understanding of how to deal with it will be a benefit to you and to her if, god forbids, anything similar arises.
    but firstly you need to face your issues yourself, you only have yourself to rely on in this world and emma relies on you
  19. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    what use is it trying to fight, all my friends have abandoned me bar 1, even the one who meant a lot to me... gone :sad: i just feel like a spare part at the minute, like noone wants me around, so i dont fight, i have no motivation to fight.. i see no point
  20. theres every reason to fight on, why are you here on this site if you dont want to fight?
    i will tell you, you are here because you are not about to give up and you want help and support, a word of advice and to know that beyond the silly pats on the head and the usual ' it will be alright' platitudes that most get, there are people who do care and want to help.

    do you really want to lie down and give up tonie?

    or do you want to fight for the life you deserve, the happiness and contentment you want?

    yes it will be hard and a long road but it is worth the effort, just because you cant see it now doesnt mean that it isnt there, but you have to face up to your issues and realise that help wont come to you, real help in the real world is waiting but you have to go get it yourself.
    sorry if i seem a bit stern but sometimes a little shake of the shoulders is what is needed.
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