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I Don't Understand

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ChaosControl, Nov 1, 2010.

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  1. ChaosControl

    ChaosControl New Member

    I don't get it.
    I'm 18. Thin, very petite, 5'3 and 107pounds.
    I have bright red hair and small adorable facial features.
    I have been told I am beautiful, sexy, cute, and hot. I smile and say thank you when people tell me I look great or they love my dress.

    I have money. I have things. I have (had) the best boyfriend ever. I have a family who loves me very much. I have friends who care.
    I am intelligent, my marks prove it.
    I'm bipolar.
    And covered in scars.

    Why do I want to die? I have everything, freedom, beauty, brains, and love. What more could I want.

    Yet, why can't I find a reason to live?
  2. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You have an illness called Bi Polar Disorder. It makes it hard to live. You need to educate yourself on everything there is to know about it. Then you'll have more of an understanding of how the illness works.
    Stay strong and learn lots.
  3. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. Although I don't have the bi-polar diagnosis. I have things that are great in my life also and I don't get why I feel like I do. You have to remember though with bi-polar there doesn't need to be anything that makes you feel crap. It is just the illness. There is a clinical reason why you are feeling bad. You'll get through it though. It wont last forever. x
  4. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Anhedonia is a common problem with those who suffer with Bipolar. I don't want to assume that this is the basis of your issue, but something to look into.

    Are you being treated/medicated?
  5. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Bipolar sucks. Get treatment. See the link in my signature, it may help you greatly, as it did me.
  6. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    I have an idea.
    Wait until you feel like you want to die
    While you have that feeling, quickly write down on a piece of paper the reason why you want to die.

    Then you will have your answer.
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