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I don't wanna be here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DarkFantasy, Sep 29, 2010.

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  1. DarkFantasy

    DarkFantasy Well-Known Member

    You have that feeling that you're not where you want or should be in life.
    Where you know, if only that one small thing had happened in the past your life would be completely different.
    I hate it.
    I've been dying inside with despair.
    And going to the doctor doesn't help, because all I can think is "I shouldn't be here." And seeing the doctor, all I can think is "I was supposed to be in your shoes."

    But supposed to isn't what happened. And I think it's amazing how one small tiny thing in your life can completely change your lifestyle, who you are, how you think, what you do, and the person you become.

    Destiny has lead me at this time to create this topic.
    I don't want to be here.
  2. kittylover

    kittylover Well-Known Member

    What happened to you that changed everything?

    I don't want to be here, either =(
  3. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    i just don't want to be!
  4. DarkFantasy

    DarkFantasy Well-Known Member

    Nothing happened. That's the problem.
    I live in solitude. With no aspirations. No drive. No friends.
    I know that's not an excuse nor do I want apathy. That's just the way it is.
    I would love friends yes. I would love change. I want love. I want it from you. But I don't think I'm better than you.
    I've been patient. But living for so long, becoming desperate is just natural. And we all know what happens when you become desperate.

    I just don't know. I don't know what happened. All I can do is look back and wonder why life has gone by so fast. Why I could never gain a foothold so that things could happen. Why no one likes me.
    Life sucks and then you die eh.

    I want to the optimist. But optimism only works for a short while. Yes, that's a pessimistic thing to say, but it's true. That's where my mind is, and there is no way to get it out.

    The things I dream about are things normal people do every day of their lives. I'd rather not get into specifics, but I guess it is what it is right?

    I don't mind being the observer. But sometimes I want to be the participant. But once I get inside the action I realize I'm way over my head and have to fall back.

    So why don't you want to be here?
    Your name is funny because I have a friend on xbox named kitten hoarder and I just told her to stop hoarding all the kittens because I don't hoard all the rainbows.
    Now if all the world was kittens and rainbows well then life could be a lot better.
  5. DarkFantasy

    DarkFantasy Well-Known Member

    Hey stig, nice quote. Very true.
    Its always easy to put on a smile and say everything's alright. But then you go in public, express your hatred to society, and end it.
    And then the media must make clear no one was hurt. The gunman fired shots in the air, and oh no tell the story about how a few peoples dogs were petrified and how they almost lost their lives. Say nothing about the man who you didn't pay attention to even in death.

    Also, great song, and one of the few I actually relate to the lyrics. Mostly I just care about the music. But lyrics can add to it sometimes.
  6. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    very true, a friend of mine tried to take his own life, he was swimming towards france at night. because he is an ex marine suffering with ptsd, the police were called and he was handcuffed and thrown in a cell because "he is dangerous coz he was a soldier" !!!! where is the compassion?
  7. DarkFantasy

    DarkFantasy Well-Known Member

    Exactly. It's these injustices that make people worse. Either help us or leave us alone. Don't tell me it is what it isn't.
    I hope your friend is doing ok now.
  8. DarkFantasy

    DarkFantasy Well-Known Member

    Also Kitty, it's what's in your mind that matters. The outside is just an illusion.
    Screw most people. They don't understand and can't understand. It's like stressing because an ant doesn't understand you. I know, an ant won't judge you like people will, but if people won't accept or even try to understand, they simply aren't worth a piece of ****.

    I hope you find happiness, as I know most of us hope for.
    But I'm with you. You have a vote from me if you ever need it.
  9. No1_knows_me

    No1_knows_me Active Member

    I don't wanna be here either. I wish that I wouldn't have isolated myself when I was a kid. That way I most likely would've developed some social skills and actually have friends. Simply having friends would make me so much happier.
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