i dont wanna die..but not a chice..its after 2 mounth

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bubblin girl, Oct 17, 2009.

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  1. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    no choice...ill commit suicide after 2 mounth

    i dont wanna die...im not suicidal...but i have to do it...its not a choice...im sorry...but this is the end..belive me i dont wanna that & there is something keep me tell now even my life is suck, but this is the last choice...ill do it.

    all what i wanted in life is to be normal...live normal live...but im so far..far away..i cant...im always so counfused,tiered, & depressed..so ill commit suicide after 2 mounth.

    i cant anymore i give up....i have at least 3 medical condition (phiscal only) they are rare condition & that dont have cure, niether are deadly...its like waking dead...nobody but parents know about them & they are emmbaressed things & shamed ones..

    im soooooooooooo ugly,since i born parents emmbaresed of me,people make fun of me all the time...day & night...im the joke, im the freak,cant live with my face.

    im sooooooo stuiped,im reated person, clumsy, emmbaress myself, i have low avrage IQ...infact teachers always suggest to go to retarted class or place spilize of that...

    im so lonely, never have or had friends,never get bf,never got good relationship with coleags/mate or family..

    im so hated by everybody i donno why..everybody tell me im eww person...nobody wanna talk to me..im always misunderstood ..hated...hated...hated.

    im always failure,never done something & goes right..never...failed in all classes, workes, & relations...

    now i decide the time of suicide..NO play...its after 2 mounth, when my scores of college is out...cos & ill probably fail, ill get dismiss from the college...i cant after 5 years of study, after all the tiered & have over $ 350000 of deads & got no deploma...nothing....noway... plus 2 mounth to have time to do everything i need for suicide right...im done...ill do it..ill die after 2 mounth..ill commit suicide...im sorry..but i have to do it...
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 17, 2009
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    no you don't have to do it. You have friends here and we don't judge you.
    Lots of people have trouble in school I was one of them I was called every name and even spit on. People grow up and you will find as time goes by people stop being mean and cruel and they start being more supportive and understanding. Hang in there and help others like you are doing you are a great help here
  3. elleanne

    elleanne Well-Known Member

    Re: no choice...ill commit suicide after 2 mounth

    It IS a choice, a choice that is yours.
    The bullies should not be held responsible for you ending your life. That IS solely your responsibility.
    Who says the people who choose not to speak to you hate you? They`d have to know you pretty well to have such deep feelings about you. You are projecting your feelings onto other people. You are not a mindreader (are you?), so you can`t possibly know what people think of you, unless they choose to truthfully tell you, and you choose to believe it.
    In the next eight weeks, you`re going to die, is that right? I hope that whatever you do, you do it because it`s what you choose, not what you think other people think you should do.
  4. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Re: no choice...ill commit suicide after 2 mounth

    Hi Bubblin Girl,

    You sound in a really bad way right now. :hug:

    Has something happened to tip you over like this? Remember, you've got friends on here, talk to them, tell them what's going on - if we can't do anything else for you, at least we'll listen without blame or judgement.

  5. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    no..thx god nothing happend...but i feel life more & more difficult..so i make up my mind
  6. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    i feel i died long time ago..no place nor time can make me normal again...i have many reason to die..so ugly,retarted,failure,many medical condtion make me not normal that i have since ever,.... im dead...so i live!
  7. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    You say you have many reasons to die - I'm not going to argue with you about that, you are the one who has to live with how you feel about things. :console:

    I just want to ask this - can you think of any reasons to live? What sort of things could you see that would make you want to live?
  8. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    like i said before i dont wanna die..so i tried to think before of any reson to live..but there are none..im trying my best to think of one reason:'( ...anyway ill ask myself the Q. next few days maybe i can find one..

    anyway,its a good idea to post new Thread about it :))
  9. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    wow I'm sorry you have to go through all of that...but trust me when I say it gets better after highschool...life changes and becomes more goal oriented...give yourself time...write down all the things you want and post them on a wall in your room...if you want friends, write what type you want etc...if you focus your mind on good things for a while...maybe you will attract it...instead of focusing on the bad things in your life...Talk to us here...we won't judge you and many of us have gone through similar things than you...

    If you want to talk you can always pm me...I'll respond :hugtackles:
  10. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Hi hun... Hang in there! PM when you need to, at any time! You deserve so much better
  11. monnie101

    monnie101 Member

    It may be hard to believe but their is always a way. Try not to allow yourself to believe all those things people put on you. The less you are positive, the more negative things some to occur. If someone makes fun of you, try to stand up to them. You don't have to take what they say. If someone is mean and rude to you, chances are that they are like that with lots of people and people probably see them as a mean bully. Their life can't be so great if they have to go around picking on others. Just because they say it's so, doesn't mean it is true, just because they might take something out on you. I'm sure you have plenty of good things about yourself. Everyone has good and bad things.

    Maybe you should write some spoken word poetry. I'm serious, you can get a journal and write in it. Keep busy. Boredom brings depression. My favorite spoken word artist is Stephen Jesse Bernstein and he would write his depressing thoughts down. He died of suicide but he was very good when he did his prose. He was very self-loathing and often talked about how he thought he was ugly and described his face in his poetry.

    Whatever you do, don't allow yourself to be a victim. Their are always people looking to dump their anger on someone because they don't know how to deal with anger. You don't have to be the one. You are going to college, so that is good. If you are failing, usually teachers will let you do things for extra credit. Talk to your teachers and if you think you can, tell them you are having a difficult time with things. Some can be understanding.
  12. kemistry

    kemistry Well-Known Member

    I second the journal idea, I've found that my writting were really well written when I most depressed lol.

    Hey bubblin girl ..
    Remember to put yourself first, everyone else is secondary. Generally people are nicer than you or I would expect, so dont let some jerks get to you. Tell yourself you've had enough, and shut them out. Don't associate with people that can't appreciate you for who you are. And give others a chance to know you, too (the kind ones).

    I'm not an optimistic person at all, but I'd like to think that the sun will come out after a long period of darkness eventually. So while you are still here, let's wait for that sun yeh?

    Depression is tiredsome, but sometimes I tell myself suffering can be beautiful. Because it's battle and you get stronger each second.

    I like oddballs, because I am one too, and I also like bubbling people! : )
    So put yourself first, if you can't love yourself then learn to.
  13. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    thanks..u r so sweet :)
    i graduate from high school 5 years ago but i hope everything better if i cn graduate from college & thanks for ur advice :))
  14. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    thanks.i like the journal idea, im doin it as possible as i could cos im not good at it but its helpful.
    i never let myself as avictim (thx God) but cos of that people sp. family hate me. im now the strong bully cos i defend myself
  15. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    today was full to me...i feel fatigue all day long...i feel ill faint..i want to just put the knife in my wrist...today i just feel overwellmed...i feel heated...rejection...when my teacher told me that i live in other world...when a mate make fun of me...when others turened thier fasces...nobody wanna talk to me...when i failed again and gain...all that happend like in 2 sec.maybe im exacurate but i feel rejection alot..its killing me...feel like im freeze..i cant move like im so tiered exipt i didnt move all day long...i feel like i cant live longer than that...i just want to cut (however im not self injury person at all)...the only thing that keep me is thinking ill do it soon & 'll be no longer pain after that...after be rest in peace after 2 mounth :mellow:
  16. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    thanks alot...im always putting myself 1st & ill always well..u r like sunshin to me :rolleyes:
  17. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    tomorrow is my birthday...cos i have nobody...so nobody will tell me "Happy Birthday" like usual...ofcourse i dont wanna salibrate my birthday cos "dead people dont salibrate Birthdays" but i feel jalousy from people who sulibrate with friend & family all day long...make them a surprise party...its make me feel lonely & sad....:sad:
    the problem this is 'll be the last birthday...maybe people 'll remmber it after death & talk about it..
    this is since ever is sad thing....ill not ever love it cos its the day that i came to this ugly life...always sad day to me...it should be a funeral not salibrated with...
    im scared of tomorrow...i just wanna get over it...and hope everything 'll be okay.
  18. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Happy birthday tomorrow hun. Here's a :cake:
  19. morfea

    morfea Antiquities Friend

    From me too! :)
  20. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    thanks alot darling :hug:
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