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I don't want any replies, I won't read them.

#1
This isn't a cry for help. Maybe it is. I don't know.

I feel like my insides are a giant bowl of soup. Crazy soup.
Depression swirling, anxiety bubbling.
Anger spilling over the sides and causing my sadness to flare up.
I can't see any of these things, nor can I isolate them.
As much as I'm telling myself some cliche affirmation, I feel the positivity just sink to the bottom.
I've given so much. Why do they still need to take from me?
I have nothing left. It's dry, empty, shallow and soured.
All these things. None of these things.
Feelings I can't understand, but are so familiar that a sense of comfortability takes control.
Now I'm soaking in the poison.
I just want to drink it.. please. One time. I can do this.
Don't chicken out.
I can hear them all laughing behind me.
Pointing.
Planning.
Offering to help.
Encouraging me.
Daring me.

JUST FUCKING DO IT.

A crumb in a bakery.
A string in an orchestra.
A cough in the ICU.

Fleeting. Failing. Leaving. Lost. Loved. Lost.

Loser.
Lost.
Lost. Lost. Lost. LOST.
 

Freya

Loves SF
Forum Owner
ADMIN
SF Author
#2
Hey @Eredd19 - that is an awful lot of pain; I am not surprised that you feel like your insides are a bowl of 'crazy soup'. I know that you have said you won't read any replies here but on the off chance that you do, I wanted to let you know that I read this and I hope that the intensity of this feeling wanes enough to give you some space to breathe. If you come back and feel able to, please tell us a bit about what is causing these feelings. It seems like something that has probably been hurting you for a while - maybe a outside perspective might help sort through some of the 'soup' and we can help break it down into something you can get through, piece by piece.

Be safe.

Freya
 
#3
Sorry that you're going through this Eredd, that sounds awful. I hope you'll change your mind about reading replies.

I'd like to try to offer whatever kind of help would work best. Sometimes people just want someone to listen, other times they want advice, sometimes non-of-the-above.
Loser.
Lost.
Lost. Lost. Lost. LOST
You have inherent worth as human being. You're also probably a better person than you give yourself credit for being.
Fleeting. Failing. Leaving. Lost. Loved. Lost.
It sounds like there's a story behind this and I hope you'll tell it if you'd like to.

Wishing you good things.
 
#4
Hi @Eredd19. It's okay that you don't want replies. Sometimes it can be therapeutic just to write how you're feeling down and let it out. On the off chance you are actually reading this, which I'm glad you are, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. You'll always have a place to share here, so you can continue to share or, if you do feel like, you can find someone to talk to here.

I hope you can feel a little better soon. Sending hugs *brohug.
 

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