I Don't Want It.

[GoldenPsych]

I'm going to tell Crisis team I don't want their input. They can't do anything for me and they are not going to change my mind. I don't want people interfering with my choices. It's not a crime.

I still feel the same and I am not going to change my mind.

I don't want any contact from them, I don't want them visiting, I don't want them in my house.

 

[Pécheur]

Hey there, even though they might be able to help I can understand that they can make decisions which go against yours.

I would suggest letting them know subtly that you don't need them around as if you kick up a fuss about it they may think they need more of an input.

Am always around if you want to talk about what's going on in more detail.

Peach.

 

[peacelovingguy]

I know how you feel - all these officials make me uneasy so I stick with my doctor and use self help methods - wide and varied stuff.

I do read a lot here also - I joined 8 months ago - December 21st - says it all really when you join a suicide forum for Christmas. A real cheerful prospect - not.

Anyhow - I've learnt a lot here - from you and many more besides. Everyone says something positive at some time - you have yourself. I tend to focus on that positive - because the negatives are like reading what I feel like. I read them but I guess nobody feels optimism when we read about other members having a real nasty time of things.

So - self help, I know your a bright girl and I don't need to tell you about that in detail. I don't want to patronise you - or make you feel like these 'experts' who tell you they care - and would go home and eat the dinner even if we did end up real messed up.

Only your therapist Sam seems to have bonded with you - and I have been through 12 doctors so I could 'bond' with mine. I see him once a month - but can see him any time - plus I could call out crisis teams - have therapy, see a counsellor and maybe sit in a room - some group therapy - which would just mean telling jokes - messing about. I could do all that - but I'm not going to. I'll tell people in private about things.

Anger therapy I'd punch the therapist. I don't want to lose my anger - because that emotion is as important as all the rest. Who feels angry feels alive - as long as you direct that anger!!!

You should get at least 60 mins exercise a day and fresh air. I slept for 27 hours on meds a few weeks back - and stayed in for a week maybe - and so on. Maybe your meds are making it worse?

Even if you go the shops it is something. Small victories we need - but we could WIN the war any day. We meet people - connect with them, maybe you will find someone to talk to who is not just doing it for a job.

Think about what you would tell yourself if perchance your past together self came to the future and saw you in your home.

What would you say to that girl?

I know one thing - you'd not go tell her to die aged whatever.

And ultimately - sure - you got that choice yourself. Nobody owns you - your life is yours to do whatever you want with it. We have free will - but you really do have to be in a right frame of mind to actually make the right decisions. We have free will - but we have depression also and that's real unfortunate for us - but there are far far worse things - you are young, healthy, intelligent and also -maybe unlucky!

I say this because if you met the right person next week - I mean really the 'right' one - I assure you that 99% of the stuff that drags you down now would not matter so much. Loneliness is a killer. We get meds for this? We need a few people is all.

Even a good friend can take the place - does not have to be a man - but some of us are single and so its not easy. Its nice to have someone GS - and you have had a man or maybe two fall for your charms. Kill yourself now - and some nice future will not happen - not just for you but for others also.

Regards.

"I know its hard - everyone stumble and falls" Johnny Dowd - song - Stumble and Fall.

 

[GoldenPsych]

I'm just ignoring their calls. Don't think they will show up if they hadn't got confirmation I was going to be here. I'm just taking a chance that they don't send police round. But then police can't do anything unless they get a S135. They can't force me to speak to them.

 

[MisterBGone]

Hi GoldenPsych! I just wanted to say that if I can get through this, then you can get through this, and you can get through it better. Yours, MisterBGone

 

[hans529]

Hey man i know how you feel .....like shit i just joined today and it seems to be helpful so keep online and the best thing to do when you feel down in my openion is get a girl that loves you no matter what im still looking for that girl i thought i found her but i was wrong but girls are great confort untill they leave you for some other guy like mine did to me and then you feel worse but for a while you on top of the world .

 

[GoldenPsych]

They can't get a S135 unless an AMHP does it and being as though I have not seen one I don't see how they could get one. I don't think so anyway. So I don't think they can force me in to anything. I will just keep my mouth shut and keep my plans to myself. I am bringing them forward though. I can't wait anymore.

It's not tonight though.

 

[peacelovingguy]

(here he goes again....)

Can't you spend a couple of days with a friend - or maybe the parents?

Have you told anyone about you having a plan? I mean - is there anyone who you know?

Talking will help you - having someone there - who you actually trust means a lot.

Your in a cocoon - I painted a picture in some other thread with some guy ready to kill himself - like we sometimes go through a phase in life - and we look and feel ugly - feel insecure and so on.

We are in a kind of cocoon. Your further ahead of me in that your almost a professional - qualified to save lives!!! You will so so damned good at it also! You know that.

So its not your life GS. I mean - yes, we can do what we want - but this 'free will' is not always going to mean we make a good choice. If you carry out your plan - you'll think nobody cares - but I wonder how many in the UK would be going to the funeral? I mean off here. I'd hate to actually meet you like that - I'd like to see you and a few other UK members on some meet up. The way things are we could hire a room in a pub - pretend to be some convention on blah - di - blah and all wear a little badge with our screen -name.

Bad as you feel right now - what's to say that you are not feeling a lot better before Christmas? You have good days - I've read about them and FEEL your zest for life as well as the horrible pain you are in.

I've laughed out loud at your wit - and been humbled by your compassion and am actually impressed by what you have done in your life. I wish I was like you in some ways instead of - well, just some unemployed lowlife who the government would murder with glee.

I think I'd be a good counsellor - like you were thinking you would be good. Hell - you thought you would rewrite the books! And you will if you live. you will change laws - kick ass for your clients - see them as a kind of family the way Sam sees you. I wish you had a friend or two like her - and you would NOT be planning things.

Bad as things have been for you - I think it was fated that way - and for me also. We go through these horrible experiences and it does make us stronger and a lot wiser. You will recover - and I'm telling you - you'll pass your exams and get qualifications.

Somewhere out there - in this world - right now, some child is being abused. Some house - parents drugged up and drinking - 'poverty' because the parents don't buy books for the children. Maybe some sick uncle doing things for which he should be given therapy - and then machine gunned.

You KNOW the abuse out there - the hurt and pain people go through.

You also know there is love out there also. Right?

I rarely ever cry - but I am now? [almost]

Well - I guess its a mixture of knowing how great your life could be - and knowing how you cannot see it.

But I won't give up.

I will keep replying - and I don't expect answers in detail until one day when you actually do wake up - feel like dying, but by the time your out of the shower, dressed - you might even smile. Or feel 'alright'. Or not so bad!

A good day is all you need to make you realise that you should actually be phoning up a few people here - and they can phone you. I offered but sure - I know I might seem a bit loud or whatever. I'm a guy also - that angle has to be looked at - by any woman with sense - and you have buckets full of that. I'm just trying to be nice - actually am 'nice' - and if you ever want to talk I can listen. In real life - I actually always let people talk - and listen. I learn little from me! But I amuse myself sometimes. It has to be part of recovery to do that so I am sticking with that angle.

You got the offer GS to phone - and I hope others have especially other woman who have been were you are. Now they are - married - dancing with joy over a husband who is the virtue of all things wonderful! lol - well, some guy on a sofa who sometimes says "where is the remote control"

I'm trying to bring some levity to you. I know humour sometimes seems very annoying when depressed - but - it has to be said - a good laugh is better for you than meds.

Even a ghost of a smile is something.

OR - just thinking about something different.

So - I'll continue to try and be the defence counsel in this trial for your life. I'm not being offhand - I feel you have few people right now to be that defence counsel - who make you realise that you deserve to live.

In the cocoon - we do fear the loud bright world we have to survive in once we emerge. We fear flying - we might fall - our wings are easily torn and predators hunt us.

But you got to fly. We were born for this. We're social creatures GS - you know that and maybe you feel ashamed because its so very hard to actually socialise when depression unleashes the 'dark side'

I do have a few friends here now - people I actually like - people who impress me with their own progress - and encourage me. When I get my home phone it will be cheap for me to take and make calls. Free on weekends. So I do hope to be able to help with that - and hopefully will have some more good news in a week or so - as I might be able to help the forum more.

I was like you. In fact - the depression side of you - me and everyone is not really us. We emerge from the cocoon and realise that. My technique is not rocket science - no meds, no counsellors, crisis teams or anything. But who knows - bad luck might happen to me - I might be posting about a plan and you will be well - and I know you'd certainly reply if I said I was going to kill myself tonight.

So - there's me - a type-a-thon, a festival of words - and your someone who could be a friend. I know your kind of cutting off ties in your own mind - you don't want me popping up to say much - but a part of you welcomes it.

Good luck - God bless and I hope you each a stage were you say to yourself that you will try again - revise things, look at every area of life and adjust the ones not conducive to well-being. Across the board - diet, exercise, family ties if any - repair some friendships, get that study sorted !!!!

You know the things which made you happy once are still there.

My best wishes as ever.

Get well - soon.

Flush whatever meds combination you have been told about and have acquired and are keeping. I know all those methods - a regular walking encyclopaedia. But I keep it to myself.

Or I might email politicians with top advice on successful ways to pop their cork.

Hmmmm.....

Dear Mr Prime Minister,

Sir!

Thanks for reading my letter regarding injustice.

I actually coated this letter in a combination of cyanide and a chemical which allowed it to enter the pores of your miserable skin.

To wit, I have poisoned you,

Thanks for reading. Oh, and that's the 20 seconds up!

5-4-3-2-1 - ooops, your dead.

My!

Oh dear!

Enjoy hell ass****!

Regards and consolations.

 

[Butterfly]

Hey GP,
I really hope you reconsider about your plan. However if you are tellling crisis you dont want their input you will have to broach the subject delicately. I have heard of someone that wanted the same as you and they ended up in hospital. Perhaps just say politely you are happy with just seeing Sam as you trust her and have a good relationship with her and she always acts in your best interests.