I came to this site because I don't know where else to turn to. I'm really sad about everything that's going on in my life. I try to tell myself that things will get better, but they don't get better. I'm always alone in my apartment. I wish I can come in here and have someone greet me so I can snap out of my mind. But there's no one. This has been going on for a year and a half. I just live in my own world. I can't relate to anybody. I REALLY NEED HELP. MAYBE SOMEONE CAN FINALLY KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO ME. A lot of $#!T has been going on with me, but the one thing that's been the most painful is my relationship with a "friend" of mine. The thing is our friendship was very strange and complicated. It was hard to talk to each other. Like, we would disclose very personal things to each other, but there was no emotional connection. We eventually developed feelings for each other, but I left her since she was married (oh yeah, I'm also female). I thought a lot about her during my deployment (I was in the Navy). I eventually lost touch with her for 7 months and figured she has a life of her own and I have my own life. I met her again a couple months after my deployment ended. This is where the real HELL begins or continues...I met with her and found out that she separated from her husband. She was depressed and I was depressed to see her that way. I've tried giving her hints at the end of my visit to kiss her. She ended up pushing me away, saying she "didn't care if I stayed or not" in an irritable way. By then I was about to say "Bye" to her for good, but she followed me as I left to my car and said "Keep in touch". I WISH to this day, I had ignored those words. But back then I thought, well MAYBE she does care about me. Some time had passed and I tried writing to her on Facebook. Thing is she'd hardly reply back unless I told her I was sorry for hurting her in some way, and she'd respond that I didn't hurt her and that she's just absent minded. Some time had passed, and in Oct 2012 I told her flat out how I felt about her through a text message. She said she didn't have the same feelings for me. That crushed me. In my dismay, I called a clairvoyant to ask if this was true. He repeated specific thoughts of mine so I believed him when he said, she does have feelings for you of the romantic type, but she's pushing you away due to baggage and family matters. Another one that also repeated specific thoughts of mine, said that she was freaked out although she did have feelings for me. From there, I really got my hopes up to actually get her to be my girlfriend. Not a day had gone by without me thinking about her. This happened for a year. I've tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, and tried to get through to her during the year. BUT she never seemed interested in me or showed only little interest. It wasn't like I always contacted her. I did it about once or twice a month. Not only that but I had starved myself for weeks to lose weight 4 times in a year. I felt for some reason she wasn't attracted to me since I was kind of chubby compared to her. Due to starving myself, my performance at work and college had plummeted since I had very little energy. And I was MISERABLE. The past 2 months I've tried inviting her out, but she never came through. About a week ago, I went to her house without texting her or anything. I just said I happened to be in the area. I did it so I can actually see how she'd respond to me face to face. She said she was waiting for her husband (they were separated) to arrive that night. She said she only wanted to be friends with him. We talked about some other things, and I left her house without making a move on her since I still wasn't sure how she felt about me. We went to the aquarium a few days later with her husband. I've tried to make a conversation with her, but she was too interested in her husband. I thought, these two certainly don't look like "just friends" since they were cuddling. Well, it was really painful what I was seeing. I just quietly drifted away from them on my own until they caught up with me. When we got out of the aquarium, she said "Bye" to me like she really didn't care about seeing me again. That's what hurt me most of all.