I don't want to be here anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bipolarkitty, Dec 26, 2006.

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  1. bipolarkitty

    bipolarkitty Well-Known Member

    I'm so tired of this life. It's a daily struggle and I hate it. I just want it all to go away. How come I can think of so many things to say to others in pain to try to help them, but when I try to help myself I just draw a blank? It makes me feel like a hypocrite.

    This has been the worst month of my life and it has the very real possibility of getting even worse. No one should have to suffer this much pain all at once! I feel so alone and it hurts so much. :blub:
  2. bipolarkitty

    bipolarkitty Well-Known Member

    What's the use? The only people who care aren't here, and I have no one to talk to in real life.

    I want to end it now.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 26, 2006
  3. Sounds like you're a very kind person, (just not to yourself) even inspite of how much you're going through. At least you acknowledge that there are people who care, so hang in there until there's people to talk to.
  4. TG123

    TG123 Well-Known Member

    I don't want to live either

    My good friend doesn't want to be friends anymore and during Christmastime especially now, nothing hurts me more. Other people I wrote to just to say Merry Christmas who I thought I could talk to didn't even write back to me. I met 2 friends a few days ago but they live so far away and I won't see them for months.

    I hate feeling alone as well, and it hurts me more than anything else. I know how you feel. I cut myself yesterday for the first time but not seriously, I just stabbed myself with a needle several times in the arm.

    I want to stop living as well and I do pray to God so a car can hit me or ideally someone can kill me for following Him. But I also put my faith in Him and I know that whatever happens to me He will be with me. So I want to follow Him and serve Him and I believe in Him and that gives me a lot of comfort. I believe that He loves you and that He cares for you, so much that Jesus died on the cross for you. If you choose to put your faith in Him, even in the worst of times you will never be alone.

    I want to die but I have faith in Him so I won't commit suicide b/c it's not His will, no matter how much I want to.

    Cristo Vive!
    - Tomasz
  5. bipolarkitty

    bipolarkitty Well-Known Member

    Re: I don't want to live either

    Hey, you can believe whatever you want. I have no problem with that. But I'm not Christian. No one died on a cross for me. Don't try to convert me and please don't preach to me any more.

    I don't come to SF to be preached to. I come for support and understanding.

    I'm sorry, but this is a volatile issue for me. This isn't the first time it's happened to me here :huh: ... maybe I just shouldn't come here anymore.
  6. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member


    I am here for you all the way. I know you have been hurting and want to help you. Like you have helped me. I do not know any details as to what has caused this pain. i still feel for you though.

    Brighter days are ahead. take care.
  7. bipolarkitty

    bipolarkitty Well-Known Member

    Thanks blackfire. It's nice to know that people do care. Last night I waited so long for someone to respond and by the time I gave up and went to bed, nobody had.

    I never felt more alone than in that moment. I was so close to ending it all. I felt like even here nobody cared. I know that's not true, but in the middle of the night it seems perfectly logical and legitimate.
  8. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry ari that you were feeling like that I really am,I did come online last night but it was our time here in Australia but i checked if you were on.I'm here and really do care and know that feeling,and I think it does tend to feel worse at night,It's like I feel when someone ask's you "how are you doing?" and even if you've been feeling better than usual the best I can say is not to bad because i don't trust the good feeling's or better mood's.
    I'm glad you came through and so sorry you were in such a dark place,what was going wrong for you?I can imagine what was going through your mind and see that it's not easy of course.
    Riding that tough feeling can be so painful and exhausting and all we can really do is try our best,I really wish I had an answer to BEAT that horrid feeling but all I can do is my best to support and be there for you.This I PRMOISE I can do the best i can 24/7 for you.
  9. bipolarkitty

    bipolarkitty Well-Known Member

    I know you care, ace. I appreciate it so much. You're right. Last night I was in a very dark place and at the time I couldn't see my way out. I can't really pinpoint any one thing. It's just an accumulation of things that are getting overwhelming.

    I'm sorry if I worried anyone. I wish I could say it won't happen again, but that wouldn't be true. I tend to become very much more emotional at night and my control over it is almost non-existant. Things that are painful during the day are enough to make me suicidal at night. I don't understand why.
  10. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Ari you didn't worry anyone If I can't be here for you in these times this is the least I can seriously do.You were in a dark low place and you didn't and don't want to be in such a state noone does,if you could switch it off like that you certainly would.Perhap's with the day there may be more noise and thing's going on and at night thing's calm down but the depression set's in alot worse.
    I certainly know and feel that laste at night is the worst for me,I see how it's a collective line of thing's that are making thing's hard for you and it is becoming so overwhelming for you.It's a natural feeling to get that way and with evrerything getting so on top of us we get quite emotional when we're feeling so low.
    when we're frustrated,upset,depressed we lose all sense of rational thinking so please don't blame yourself to see that you're still here must obviously say something about you.It would've been that easy to take that dreaded horrible step and I know how tempting it can be but to realise and see that you didn't must say how strong you're also.
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