I don't want to be here anymore!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by xdos14, Jun 27, 2007.

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  1. xdos14

    xdos14 New Member

    This is my first post, I have had some recent events happen that have made me lose all desire for life that I had to start with. My husband just told me that he doesn't love me, he never did love me and he wants a divorce. He is the love of my life I love him more than anything. He cheated on me and I took him back stupid as it was, no one will be able to put up with him, we were a perfect match. He claims he still wants to see me and talk to me because he "loves me as a person just not as a wife". I haven't done anything wrong, I changed my work schedule because he said that he didn't get to see me enough, and he still is leaving me. We had to fight very hard for our house and we have done a lot of work on it. I now have to give up the house that I wanted so bad, I am going to have to move from the town I was born and raised in because It is embarrassing to me that I am being left and I don't want to run into anyone I know because I don't want to have to answer questions about what is going on, I don't want to have to lie and say that I am doing okay because I'm not! I have to quit my job that I have worked at for 4 years and all the people there that I love because this is so embarrassing to me. I feel worthless and I already had self-esteem issues and now I feel like no one will ever love me the way I love. I don't ever want to get married again because I am afraid that this will happen to me again. I don't know what to do I have nothing to look forward to and I just want to die. I tried to commit suicide and failed, I don't want anyone to know that I am suicidal because it is shameful for me and I am afraid that they will put me in a mental hospital. I am already on anti-depressants and nothing is helping me anymore. I don't have close friends because I lost them all to him. I feel like I am being tortured for his mistakes! I don't know what to do!
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    i remember feeling the same way you are when I got divorced. Remember that you are not the one that is guilty for the breakup of your marriage. It was he that chose to give up and leave things behind. He was unfaithful to you not the other way around. Don't be ashamed of the way you are feeling.You need to find someone you can talk to about your feelings. Someone you feel you can trust. You can make it through this rough time in your life. Hold your head high and known you have done nothing wrong. With time, the hurt becomes more manageable. I can't say it ever completely goes away, but you do learn how to deal with it and it isn't as strong. Please take care and stay safe.

    Welcome to SF. I hope we are able to support you in your needs. :hug:
  3. Welcome aboard!

    Never been married or in love so i can't really identify with your position and your probably not having nice thoughts about us men right now. Cruel how he sed he never loved you but was that out of anger?
  4. Gabelle

    Gabelle Member

    <<hi! That must be really tough, to start a life together with someone and then to find out that the two of you never had the same outlook on the relationship. It seems clear that he at least liked you enough as a person to marry you. However, if he married you but knew he didn't really love you clearly the fault lies with him. he tricked you, or himself, and that wasn't your fault. Please don't crumble now, the love of your life might be out there waiting for you! I bet there is a better match for you out there. You have just been stuck with the wrong person for too long. Good luck. I am sorry for the tragedy, but I am not sorry for the fact that you now still have a chance to discover true love, and to discover your true self>>:biggrin:
  5. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    Hey there, welcome to SF, I hope it is of help to you. Your last part of the sentence said it all: His mistakes. From what you have said in your post you have done nothing wrong. It is him who confessed to you that he didn't love you and he wants a divorce. It was him who was mean enough to say he has never loved you, it is him who cheated on you and you have done nothing wrong! I don't see why you should feel embarrassed and I don't see why you should have to give up everything and move away when it is your husband who has put all this on you.

    At times like this you need your friends and people around you, if people ask what is wrong then you don't need to say you're ok - you shouldn't need to - you appear to be the victim in all of this and your husband has let you down badly.

    I do hope you don't move away from where you live and I hope you stay in your current job - from what you've said I think you like where you live and your job, so why should you suffer? He wants the divorce, let him do the moving! That's what I say.

    Sorry if I've come across harsh, I didn't mean to, I just honestly don't see why you should have to move away when your husband is the one who put all this on your shoulders.

    No doubt this is a really tough time for you right now, but stay strong and take care, we're here for you anytime. :hug:
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