I don't want to be here anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by beautifuloblivion, Jul 28, 2009.

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  1. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    Every day of my life is a waste. I literally just sit around and do nothing. I'm not even sure what I want anymore, since I've realized that all of the things I used to want are things I can't have. I don't have any goals or ambitions anymore. I contribute nothing to the world. I just mooch money from my mom and am a burden to her.

    I've tried looking for a job. I can't find one. I've tried working out and getting in shape. I feel better physically, but mentally and emotionally I still feel awful. I don't know what else to do with myself.

    I don't know how to stop dwelling on all the things that hurt. People say to talk about them, but I don't want to talk about them anymore. Talking just makes things worse.

    If I weren't such a coward, I'd already be gone. But the fear of failure continues to keep me here. What if it just makes things worse? And how would I ever face my family after a failed attempt?

    Sorry for my rambling...I know it's just the same crap that I always ramble about. I've just been feeling really bad the last few days and I needed to get this out.
  2. elvinchild

    elvinchild Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear your not feeling well. Have you tried therapy? Medication? Any hobbies or interests you might be able to enjoy? Its hard to enjoy anything in severe depression I know... but its possible to find happiness again. I was so close to suicide a year and a half ago. I thought I would never be myself again. Never be happy again. Life was torture to me, every moment was terrifying and painful. To me, there was no way it could ever change. But, I got a therapist. And it literally started a process of treatment that saved my life. I became myself again. I could enjoy life again.

    A series of events happened later in the year that sent me spiraling down, and now I'm suicidal again, at the bottom again trying to work my way up. But last year showed me that no matter how hopeless things seem, it can get better.

    There's hope.
  3. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hey there ..
    sorry ur feeling like this :hug:
    as elvinchild suggested .. medication and therapy might be a good option?
    its great that u have been working on urself in the physical sense- getting healthy .. mabye now u should use that same energy 2 work on urself in ur mind ..
    i really hope things improve 4 u.. x
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter


    I agree with the previous suggestions, have you looked into counselling? It might help :hug:
    Well done on working out more, I'm sure you feel some sort of achievment from it!
    We're all here for you. :heart:
  5. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    I am in the same situation. I hate talking about things that bother me. It just makes it worse. Coming to this site and talking helps, because I know people really care.
  6. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    therapy is definitley a great option. you could give it a try. and finiding stuff like working out and what not might be a great distraction. maybe you could find new activities?
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I know how you feel just lying about with no motivation.. I have been in a slump lately myself.. I see a therapist and she keeps me going but I feel she is running out of options with me..I have put alot of thought into the way I am feeling and have decided to pick up a couple of new hobbies.. I'm going to start painting again..I stink at it but will give it a go..I have grown bored with the other things I use to do..I'm an avid reader and haven't been able to pick up a book in the past year.. I have one I have been trying to read for a couple of months.. I read a chapter and then sit it down and don't touch it for like a month..I think it would help you to pick up some new hobbies..And most definitely get in to see a therapist..
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