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I don't want to be loved.

Soda-Voxel

Public Access
#1
Being loved by people is why I live, because they don't want me to die. but I don't deserve to be loved. I don't care what anyone else says, I know myself the best. I simply do not deserve it. I wish nobody cared about me. I wish people hated me and beat me up and told me to go die. Because then I'd have someone to agree with. And then I wouldn't have to live anymore. It's just not fair. I'm not good at anything. I can't take it anymore.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#2
I think a lot of people understand that line of thinking..but the truth is that people DO care and love you so they want you to be around. What can you do to make things better?
 

Soda-Voxel

Public Access
#3
I think a lot of people understand that line of thinking..but the truth is that people DO care and love you so they want you to be around. What can you do to make things better?
I know, I just wish they didn't. And I'm pretty sure I can't do anything. I've exhausted most of my options and the rest likely won't work.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#4
What are "the rest" of your options, hmm? You're a young guy, you have a lot of options out there in the world. What is it you *want* to do -- besides die?
 

Auri

🎸🎼Rock Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#5
These sound like my own thoughts a few years ago, all lies created by depression. I don't want to be that person saying "don't make the same mistakes I did", because I really understand the feeling when it strikes you... but the truth is that now, one of the things I regret the most about the whole suicide thing is all the people I pushed away at that time. It made me more miserable, it made them more miserable. It was pure destructive thinking, and acting.

The reality is that having people who care about you, no matter in what way they do or show their care, is the best thing you could ever have. If it's the only thing you have at some point in your life, cherish it, stick to it. It's your strength, it's positive.
That's how you start helping yourself, seeing things for what they truly are. People who care, who love you... Nothing is wrong about that.
 

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