For the last 7 years I have been considering suicide. For the last four years I have been thinking about it more seriously. I left my wife four years ago after I found out she cheated on me. Since then I have been unable to have a healthy relationship. I am damaged and hurt. I am depressed and quiet. No one wants to be with me and I am so unhappy by myself. I have been in a lot of relationships and none have worked out. I don't blame the women I've been with it is me. For the last month and a half I have been trying to get back together with my separated wife. I poured my heart out to her and told her how much I needed her but she keeps pushing me away. I can see there is no way it is going to happen. She is the only one that can help me. My only family is my sister and she is close friends with my separated wife and hardly speaks to me. The only thing that has kept me around is my daughter. I love her. Lately when she leaves every Sunday night it only deepens the wound. The world ends when she leaves. I have come up with a few ways to make my suicide look like an accident so she isn't as hurt. I have some things to do before I kill myself that will take a few months. I'm hoping something happens in this time that will change how I feel. I don't think this will happen because nothing has changed for four years. Lately I have been working out and eating healthy. I have tried as hard as I can to improve my life. I am not the least bit happier that I was four years ago. It makes me feel even worse because I could have just laid around depressed and still have felt the same. So much effort for absolutely nothing. I only wish my wife would realize how much I need her. If she would help me I would cherish her forever and treat her the best I could. I've told her all of that and it doesn't make any difference to her.