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i don't want to die

#1
i reaaally don't want to die, i have some dreams and even plans, i would love to work in a fashion industry and travel a lot, but i feel like i MUST die. my own mother hates me and abuses me mentally, i don't feel any type of bond with her or my sibling, we just live in the same house. i cry almost everyday beacuse of this woman but noone really cares, even my school. when i told them that I'm struggling they said of course we will get someone for you and when i reminded them 3 pr 4 times they said the same thing, now the school year is over so is my "help" from them. i can't afford a therapist so I'm just stuck here questioning if i really deserve to live? I'm just so worthless, i don't have any friends and my family is full of people like my mother, so i can't rely on them, i don't have any talents and i im rather clumsy so i can't do anything right, im shaking 24/7 so its hard to even walk properly, like I'm always so stressed, even when i i think im in a good mood there's a part of me that is stressed. I'm just a teenager but i feel like I'm a waste of space and i don't deserve to live that long. I'm literally so useless, i don't have anything to wake up to, noone needs me and i know i won't be successful in the future. even when i try to be good at something it just doesn't work out and i hate myself for even thinking about it. i don't really know what to say, i feel like i need to vanish, i don't bring anything to life and everyone see me as a burden and it hurts me sometimes even physically, i just can't handle this constant pain and stress.

I'm so sorry if my grammar is bad, english is not my native language!! i hope it's still understable!
 

JDot

1 Peter 5:7
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
Hi @tsumaranai It's understandable to be depressed when your mother abuses you mentally. You're not worthless. You'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you. And we're glad to have you here.
 

berryStraw

Not totaly useless,I can be uses as a bad example
#3
Dont be harsh on yourself Its okay to be clumsy and failing lots. Thats how we learn the best. Id rather fail at something a hundred times than be excelent at it from the get-go, because it doesnt matter how perfect you are you will at some point encounter a problem, having lots of experience in failure will help you navigate thru the problems. As far as school and help, wording matters because not everyone knows what you go thru so if you get a chance make sure that they fully comprehend the situation as to how hard it is for you (Well a bit too late since school is over but maybe after the summer you can try that), talking to your family doctor could help too. There is a certain phase that every person has to go thru whenever they are doing some new hobby, especialy if its something to do with music, at first you will be excited to start and try something new, but over time your enjoyment will become a chore and you wont see any progress anymore, but if you push thru that phase in the end you will start enjoying it again (not gonna lie, I never push thru that phase so i dropped like 5 different things if not more xD). As for dealing with your family I dont really have any advice, I just know that people push thru it and then they move out and their lives become easier over time. So just hang in there, ur not useless, you just need to find what works for you and it may take some time and I mean years. Just dont stop trying new things to help you get thru the days ^^. Also if you need motivation to do something and finish something you could share your "project" with someone so you would feel like "I told im doing it and person X is expecting to see it so I might aswell finish it", that kinda helped me do some stuff, but it doesnt always work :/ .
 
#4
Also if you need motivation to do something and finish something you could share your "project" with someone so you would feel like "I told im doing it and person X is expecting to see it so I might aswell finish it", that kinda helped me do some stuff, but it doesnt always work :/ .
i never thought about that, i don't really talk about this stuff with anyone because I'm too embarrassed but this might help! i will definitely try this
 
#6
Dont be harsh on yourself Its okay to be clumsy and failing lots. Thats how we learn the best. Id rather fail at something a hundred times than be excelent at it from the get-go, because it doesnt matter how perfect you are you will at some point encounter a problem, having lots of experience in failure will help you navigate thru the problems. As far as school and help, wording matters because not everyone knows what you go thru so if you get a chance make sure that they fully comprehend the situation as to how hard it is for you (Well a bit too late since school is over but maybe after the summer you can try that), talking to your family doctor could help too. There is a certain phase that every person has to go thru whenever they are doing some new hobby, especialy if its something to do with music, at first you will be excited to start and try something new, but over time your enjoyment will become a chore and you wont see any progress anymore, but if you push thru that phase in the end you will start enjoying it again (not gonna lie, I never push thru that phase so i dropped like 5 different things if not more xD). As for dealing with your family I dont really have any advice, I just know that people push thru it and then they move out and their lives become easier over time. So just hang in there, ur not useless, you just need to find what works for you and it may take some time and I mean years. Just dont stop trying new things to help you get thru the days ^^. Also if you need motivation to do something and finish something you could share your "project" with someone so you would feel like "I told im doing it and person X is expecting to see it so I might aswell finish it", that kinda helped me do some stuff, but it doesnt always work :/ .
it's really hard to start over and over when others are already good and they can move on to harder things, or when we start from the same point but they're just... better and do it a lot quicker, they don't fail as much as i do and it's so frustrating. actually i wish i could find something that i could do slightly better that everything else, so i would know that i need to focus on that and not on 15 different hobbies
 

berryStraw

Not totaly useless,I can be uses as a bad example
#7
it's really hard to start over and over when others are already good and they can move on to harder things, or when we start from the same point but they're just... better and do it a lot quicker, they don't fail as much as i do and it's so frustrating. actually i wish i could find something that i could do slightly better that everything else, so i would know that i need to focus on that and not on 15 different hobbies
Yeah... droped many things because others were just too good at them and I just felt like theres no point anymore...its like ive been defeated even tho it wasnt a competition, nowadays when I start something I try to avoid seeing others doing the same things unless im trying to learn it from someone.I would suggest just focusing on finding things than you enjoy doing rather than being good at, like i enjoy 3d modeling parts, but im not great at it so it takes me ages to make a part but since I enjoy it its time well spent and overtime I know I will get better at it but I still dont really watch anyone else modeling stuff xD.
 

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