But I dont want my life. Maybe it was all the drugs i used to take but my mind just feels so empty and sluggish. Im a really bright guy, people always are amazed at how smart I am but I dont know why. I have trouble putting a sentence together sometimes and have stopped even trying to socialise because making conversation is too painful and unbearably hard work. What's weird is that I can talk to people online without any problems, I play games and have online friends but when it comes to joining them on talk software i just shy away. Sorry, im rambling on a bit here. Recently ive been drinking every day just to kind of try to forget about everything but it really doesnt work. I need a job but fail any interview I get, I'm in uni as a mature student but im not getting the grades I need. It's all getting too much and my mind frequently turns to suicide. I have a few options that I think of with that and I dont think I will last the summer. Theres so much more but really, my head is just an entangled mess. Like someone else on here said- I wish I could start over, I wish I had known what was going to happen to me, and I wish i even cared.