I don't even know why I'm on this site anymore. I'm a nobody. I'm not a strong person, I can't keep trying. I can't handle the fact that if I try, I MIGHT fail. I might also succeed, but that's not what I'm scared of. I'm not good enough for myself, therefore, I'll never be good enough for this world. The ONLY time in my life that I've been able to keep it together is when I'm in a relationship. That way I know someone cares about me, someone loves me, someone can help me. I just don't want to be here anymore. I don't really want a response, or maybe I do. Maybe I want people to be negative towards my feelings, my thoughts, my beliefs. Maybe I want someone to put me down. Maybe I want someone to tell me to suck it up, just so that it will push me to go. I want to be beautiful. I want to be skinny. I want to be fun. I want to be loved. I want to be happy. I want to be proud. I want to be sane. I want someone to be with forever. I want a good life. I want money. I want everything. I want too much. I'm such a cry baby. I'm always sad. I always pity myself. I always want to die. I wish suicide was easier. I think no one will notice, but I know that's a lie. I have a mother, a sister, a best friend. Just because we don't all get along, doesn't mean they won't notice. I can't help but feel that they will blame themselves. What do I even want? I just want to be with someone. It always seems to help, but I always turn to promiscuity if I'm unable to find someone I want to be with that wants me in return. I just want to be loved, by someone other than my family. That's not my biggest goal in life, but it's up there. Maybe because I've always felt the best in a relationship. I'm sorry for this thread. It's just a waste of your time. Just like I'm a waste of everyone time. *I'm never able to write down exactly what's on my mind because it always wonders. I hate this.