I don't want to do this anymore.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by whoaaxxsamm, Aug 2, 2010.

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  1. whoaaxxsamm

    whoaaxxsamm Well-Known Member

    I don't even know why I'm on this site anymore. I'm a nobody.

    I'm not a strong person, I can't keep trying. I can't handle the fact that if I try, I MIGHT fail. I might also succeed, but that's not what I'm scared of.

    I'm not good enough for myself, therefore, I'll never be good enough for this world.

    The ONLY time in my life that I've been able to keep it together is when I'm in a relationship. That way I know someone cares about me, someone loves me, someone can help me.

    I just don't want to be here anymore.

    I don't really want a response, or maybe I do. Maybe I want people to be negative towards my feelings, my thoughts, my beliefs. Maybe I want someone to put me down. Maybe I want someone to tell me to suck it up, just so that it will push me to go.

    I want to be beautiful. I want to be skinny. I want to be fun. I want to be loved. I want to be happy. I want to be proud. I want to be sane. I want someone to be with forever. I want a good life. I want money. I want everything. I want too much.

    I'm such a cry baby. I'm always sad. I always pity myself. I always want to die.

    I wish suicide was easier. I think no one will notice, but I know that's a lie. I have a mother, a sister, a best friend. Just because we don't all get along, doesn't mean they won't notice. I can't help but feel that they will blame themselves.

    What do I even want? I just want to be with someone. It always seems to help, but I always turn to promiscuity if I'm unable to find someone I want to be with that wants me in return. I just want to be loved, by someone other than my family.

    That's not my biggest goal in life, but it's up there. Maybe because I've always felt the best in a relationship.

    I'm sorry for this thread. It's just a waste of your time. Just like I'm a waste of everyone time.

    *I'm never able to write down exactly what's on my mind because it always wonders. I hate this.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    trust me being with someone is not all that if i was alone i could do what needs to be done i don't want to do this anymore either i really understand but having someone will change nothing noting at all
  3. whoaaxxsamm

    whoaaxxsamm Well-Known Member

    I guess deep down I know that, but it feels like it changes.

    No one is able to put up with me though.

    Oh well. I guess I wasn't intending on only talking about that, but my mind wondered because of a recent breakup.
  4. varek

    varek Well-Known Member

    You need to realise that you don't have to be perfect to find someone to love you.. or everybody would be lonely.

    You need to find something you can do to make you feel better about yourself.. whether it's pursuing an interest, changing your lifestyle, career, whatever. I think the only way to deal with self-hate like you're experiencing is to get yourself out of it. Nobody can do it for you.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Sam. I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so down. I think that the standards that you have set for yourself are too high and somewhat unattainable. There's nothing wrong with being an average person. No one is perfect and you can't expect perfection from yourself. If there are things about yourself that you wish to improve, then make a plan on how you can improve yourself. If you want to lose some weight, then start an exercise plan. :hug:
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