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I don't want to exist anymore

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#1
hey, it's been a long time since I've checked this forum but I'm feeling pretty bad so
(excuse any english mistakes as it is not my first language)
okay, so my point is I just don't feel like living, I mean I never asked for it, I've just been thrown in a mercyless world and expected to work my whole life to get money and to survive. The thing is I don't want to. I'm giving up.
I'm in last year of high school, I'm french, and french educational system is pretty shitty. So there's a huge amount of pressure on me from about everyone, I have to choose what I want to do next year, then what I want to do for the rest of my life. Exept I don't really like anything enough to do it my whole life, I know after a few years or even a few months I'll get bored and probably even hate it.
So if I keep on living, I'll basically spend my youth preparing my adulthood, and my adulthood preparing the last 5/10 years of my life that I'll probably won't enjoy anyway because I'll be old. When am I actually living in that life? nowhere. I don't want it. I never asked for it. I'm average, no one will notice I left, and I can't do this anymore anyway.
 

dtc

at least that's what I keep telling myself!
#2
I know this seems like it's a make or break time of your life, but the truth is it isn't. People start out in one job and move into something completly different all the time. Just focus on doing the best you can and that's it, the rest will work itself out in time, try not to make things bigger than they need to be. The only person you truly need to answer to is yourself.

Take care
 
#3
Hi Mae,

In my job (which I never thought I would ever be doing) I spend a lot of time looking at people's CVs from all over the world. It is rare to see a CV from someone who studied a particular subject and then worked in that profession all throughout their career, people change all the time and fall into different opportunities. The choice you make now will not define your whole life, you might regret it, you might not, but it won't define you.
 

Kathie Sunflower

Well-Known Member
#4
Hey there, I felt very pressured in the last school year, Germany's school system sucks a lot too. But the thing is, nobody can force you to choose a career (if you even want one) now. You could also do a year abroad, or do a mini job, or travel, make an internship (or several) somewhere to find out what you like...
I think it is very important to find something that you like, something that you can imagine doing for many years.. and take your time finding it :)
Even if you find yourself studying something you don't like much, you can change subjects. There is always the possibility to change things.
Btw, cool name and profile pic ;)
 

Kalee

New Member
#5
I’m so sorry you have all that pressure on you. Sometimes people think they're helping, but are just making things more overwhelming and it can feel like they’re starting to dictate our lives. But aside from all the other voices, expectations, etc…if you felt free to decide for yourself what “living” looked like to you, what it would look like? Life is a gift. You are a gift in and of yourself and I can assure you that someone will most certainly notice if you leave. And from what I read, you must be full of life seeing that you can’t imagine doing just one thing for the rest of your days. That tells me you love lots of things and want the opportunity to do them- so do that! I believe you have an amazing life ahead of you. Have you thought about talking to a school adviser? Maybe someone outside your inner circle can offer you the listening ear you need right now.
 
#6
The education is bad everywhere (except for may be the Chinese, Japanese and Korean education systems lol).
I think that everyone have a dream job, but I also believe that not many people actually manage to get that dream job, and do whatever in order to survive... I am one of the majority. My dream job since I remember was a child psychologist or counsellor or whatever people call it. But life being ridiculously unfair to me, I ended up studying for electrician (against my will of course), never worked even an hour as one, then tried to get some Cisco courses (because you know, I needed a well paid job) I covered couple of their courses, and again never worked anything related to it. Then... The university... Picked the worst thing to study and somehow managed to the last year then quit (personal reasons) and moved to another country where I am currently working as a cleaner.
Education does not mean anything if you ask me... I wish I could figure out how do people do this...

My point is, if happens to have passion for something, ignore anything and anyone and focus at what you like the most.
 
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