I don't want to face my problems.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by TheBLA, Jun 22, 2008.

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  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I've been here for almost three years and STILL haven't completely poured out my thoughts, what exactly causes my depression and me thinking of suicide. Barely anyone here knows me, I almost never go into the chat room, PM people, etc etc etc. Haven't done anything!!!

    I never talk about my problems directly, I'm not specific and thats what this post below will be too, not very specific.......

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    I haven't faced them, I've always tiptoed around and ignored them. I tell myself things like others are worse off than me, to make myself feel better and I forget about my problems temporarily. But they will eventually come back to bit me very hard. But I am reminded occasionally of how much of a loser I am, how far I am behind everyone else and it then heavily depresses me again.

    I wonder sometimes, what if my problems are too much to cope with? What if I am so far behind, that its not worth it to catch up and you just have to give up, end your life?

    But then others will say to never kill yourself, life is precious, I still have many years ahead of me to live a happy life. I still have a chance, I still have hope as long as I am alive.

    I've always been a horrible decision maker, takes me forever to make a decision and almost always when I make it, I'll regret it soon afterwards.

    I wish I could finally make the decision that I will live, I will not commit suicide eventually as I tell myself that. Not to commit suicide in a few years. I have to keep that decision to live locked and never waver from it. And so to pull myself up instead of just lingering as I have for most of my life and falling behind everyone else. Make some damn progress. I mean, if I am to kill myself eventually, whats the point of working up and making progress now if it'll all be a waste?

    But I have very far to run to catch up with the others and they are so so far ahead. And they are still running and I keep falling further behind day by day. Should I just keep laying down or finally get the will to pull myself up and keep running? Basically everyone will tell me to do the latter, to keep going and not give up, never to give up. I wish I could get that drive.

    Sorry if this wasn't specific or helpful again....thanks for any replies you guys can give.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 22, 2008
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    3 years is a long time but you have coped to a certain point.

    not facing up to your problems wont make it better, this is something we all need to do, face them, understand them then deal with them.

    honesty is the best way, if not with us then with someone you trust.

    stay safe
     
  3. unbearable

    unbearable Well-Known Member

    The thing i try and do is not compare to other people, feel the pressure of what everybody else is doing as we are not clones of each other and we can set our own pace.
    you sound like you want to find the drive and want to make the decision to live even though your problems are doubting this there seems to be something inside you that wants a better life and to survive, hold on to this and try to make its voice heard.

    take care x
     
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I agree, no need to compare to other people. You are not behind anyone. We're all doing the best we can and going at our own pace.

    Maybe facing up to your problems isn't what you think it is. It does not mean that you have to catch up to everyone else or change who you are because you think you are a loser. It might mean simply realizing that you have no one to catch up to, and that you are a good person and not a loser just the way you are.
     
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