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I don't want to fight anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cicada 3301, Jul 23, 2015.

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  1. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I don't want to fight anymore. I've given up. It's been 5 years for me and although this battle against depression has been incredibly fun, I don't see the point in carrying it on. I want for this all to be over and I don't know what to do. I feel like crying, the pain does not go away. I try to force it away with happiness, friendships, hobbies, distractions, laughing. It's not working, I want to die still. I hate myself. I don't know what to do...
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You might hate you but I love you as a friend and you are my best friend on here, sorry I just missed you in chat. I care a lot about you and know you are an amazing and kind person who always puts others first. Now that you are feeling this way you come first, fight this head on because chances are it will pass soon enough! Huge hugs xx
  3. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    I'm so sorry you feel this way my friend. If it can help you are important to me. Don't give up on yourself and on your potential to be happy.
  4. kangaroo2

    kangaroo2 Well-Known Member

    Five years may seem like a lot but it is a short period of time in one's overall life. Many people go through difficult periods like this. One never knows when a lucky break can happen, or something happens where things suddenly become good again.
  5. AAA3330

    AAA3330 Well-Known Member

    I feel pretty much the same. My pain never ends and it doesn't matter what I do, it never goes away. I don't know what to do either as I've been to the doctors and there's nothing that they can do for me. I'm sorry that you're having to suffer.
  6. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thanks everyone. Your support means a great deal. I hope this feeling passes soon.
  7. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Alumni

    I hope you don't give up. For if you do, the battle is truly lost. As long as you keep up the fight, hope remains. And we both like you and need you here.
  8. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :hug: i'm sorry you are feeling like this. maybe a few games will help you out. I know that help me out. If you want to talk i'm here and psn too :hug:
  9. Tjh

    Tjh Active Member

    Hope you're feeling happier soon
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hope you're feeling a bit better today my lil friend :) x
  11. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thanks hun, its been 4 days but I feel better now. Better in the sense that there is some joy in my life throughout all the pain. I still have a lot of uni work to do and my birthday is coming up. Mums radiotion therapy starts on the 12th, same day as my birthday. Things are back to normal in the sense that the thoughts of suicide have reduced considerable. When I first wrote this post I was very close to putting in a plan to end my life. The support I have received here and some help from my tutors has relieved a lot of pressure. I still feel bad, but that is nothing new. I started smoking again last couple of days because why not. Will stop as soon as this pouch is finished. On day 5 of sertraline but I took a benzoadepine today and drink to reduce my anxiety. I'm not sure how things are, but they are better than when I made the first post
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hiyas :hugs: :grouphug: :hug2:

    Really glad that you feel some sort of relief, that is important :) I have been on sertraline for about over a year, it is an amazing drug for anxiety, I cannot personally comment on its effect for depression because i'm no longer depressed. I hope it suits you and really helps, it can take up to 6-8 weeks to feel the full effects so must be patient. Your mom's radiation therapy must be a big worry for you but don't fret and stay calm and fingers crossed that all will be just fine. Also hope you have a great birthday hun and enjoy it!

    Big hugs :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 29, 2015
  13. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I am glad to hear that you are feeling better Bob! I know you are going through a lot right now which is a considerable amount of pressure for anybody to handle let alone throwing depression into the mix as well. I don't think it helped when you got poorly and couldn't take your meds any more and more than likely exacerbated the situation so I am also glad to hear that you are back on the meds as well. Try to lay off the benzo's and booze, it only exacerbates your problems whilst sober and doesn't solve anything.
  14. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thanks Lexi, it's really hard right now with everything, it hurts, but I'm trying to get back on track. I'm still on my medication and I haven't taken any benzo's since. I've also stopped smoking, but I feel really lonely in my thoughts and my head feels like it's going to explode; and I want it to so that some pressure can be released. I'm going to move out of my flat today with help from my family and tomorrow is my cousins birthday for which we are going paintballing. Hopefully it will provide a good release before I have to get back to doing my work.
  15. SilentLegend

    SilentLegend Member

    For what it is worth, you are one of the people that helped me feel comfortable on this site.
    I appreciate your posts.
    Sorry for what you had to go through, know that people are pulling for you.
    I hope you keep fighting because you are awesome.
    All the best :)
  16. Cicada 3301

    Cicada 3301 Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thank you so much for the kind wishes :hug: I will keep fighting. Really appreciate what you said, it has made my day a lot better, thank you :)
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