I have failed at everything I've ever done. I need to leave here, but I have no money. I don't want to live out of my car. I wish I could have a heart attack or something. I thought I would have my own house by now, a wife, you know..living in a better neighborhood. Yet, I am still here. You know, I am not sure I can kill myself. I have been afraid my whole freaking life. I am tired of being paranoid. I am tired of being harassed and I am tired of people lying about me. Nothing has worked out for me. Nothing. I am getting too old for this shit. But if I do commit suicide, it would devistate my grandmother. My mom and my brother. The only reason I take meds is to dull my senses. At least when I am asleep, I don't think about my life and the mess that it's in. I can't stop people spreading lies about me. There is nothing I can do about it. I sleep, watch tv and go on the computer. Sum life right? All of my dreams are dead. I have to worry about others who believe lies about me..that they might attack me. I don't know how to fight this. I dont' care anymore. Am not sure about tommorow. Not sure what I got to look forward to.