I really don't want to go visit my mother this weekend. Last weekend she brought my abusers up in conversation and the weekend before she was yelling at me. I'm almost 26 years old. Ugh. But I can't say no this time... my mum's aunt is making homemade soup and since my aunt will be at a funeral it's only mum and me left to show up at that family lunch... I'm just panicking about it... I've woken up every hour... its 5 am right now.... and I've already made pathetic attempts at harming myself. I am so sick of being the good girl. No one ever did me any good.