I'm so miserable that I'm having trouble writing a proper explanation. I wrote a suicide note to my Grandmother, who I live with, which describes much of what I'm talking about. I'm changing the names in the note for identity purposes. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: suicide note> I also wrote a thread on how I felt after my gf broke up with me on reddit. I'm copying it here. I'm going add details and context to this. - I never had many friends. I've been alone most of my life. My Grandmother and I don't really get along. I live with her however and I felt I needed to leave some kind of note behind if I was killing myself. - At the moment I have literally no one. I have no friends and no family to turn to. I can't even go to therapy. The only family I have is my sister (who I don't talk to and don't like; she's fourteen and I haven't spoken to her in years), my aunt (who I don't get along with; we're seriously not close at all), my cousin (who's eleven so I obviously don't have a close connection with him), and my Grandmother (who I've explained I don't get along with). I have no health insurance and I don't have much money so I can't go to therapy. The free clinics around are too limited to depend on as well. So I literally have no one to help console me. - Abigail and I had been together for seven and a half months. We spent an obsessive amount of time with each other. I loved it. I barely had any any passions before I met her. I wanted to kill myself before. Now after she's broken up with me I have no passion or interest in anything. I have zero interest in anything. Everything I look at is disgusting to me. - Last Wed she and I got into a big fight. Fights weren't uncommon but I never thought anything of them. She broke up with me in the fight. The next day we 'reconciled'. But she was different. She was cold and distant. When I confronted her Friday she told me she wanted to break up. I later called her drunk and crying, saying I didn't want to lose her. She said we didn't have to break up but left because I was drunk. She never called back that night. She said it was because she fell asleep. The next day I asked her what I needed to change for our relationship to continue and she began telling me things. Then she asked for a break. She said we could go back to normal on tuesday. Those three days were horrible. I cried and I felt suicidal the entire time. What was keeping me slightly together was Abigail's promise to be with me starting tuesday. Today, on tuesday, I called her but she was irritable. She told me she wanted to break up. I asked her if she wanted to remain friends and she said yes but that at the moment she wanted to be alone. She said if she ever wanted a relationship again I would be her first choice. I obviously can't depend on that. Now you know. What do you recommend I do? I have nothing. I'm 21, I have no degree, a terrible resume, no friends, no dependable family, and now no girlfriend. Abigail was the only thing keeping me going.