I don't want to live anymore nor do I want to die.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by mlxjaded, Dec 3, 2009.

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  1. mlxjaded

    mlxjaded Well-Known Member

    I know all these threads are starting to sound the same but I need some help from you guys. I don't want to live anymore but I'm too afraid of death. Fear of death is the reason for my depression.

    I will not live to see the day that people I love die. Just the thought of my grandmother, mother, sister, brother, or anyone close to me passing paralyzes me. At just the thought I start crying instantly, hence the tears running down my cheeks right now. I have only lost one person who was really close to me in my life and I still mourn for them but I was pretty young at that time.

    I just don't know what to do.
    I'm only 16 but the thought of losing anyone close to me is the worst.
    If someone who I love dies before me, I will be the next person gone. I guarantee it.

    Please don't go reporting me or whatever.
    I'll live tonight, tomorrow, next week, next year. But one day, one of these people will leave me.
    I am not religious at all so the thought of them leaving is terrifying for me because I have no clue what's next. I hope there is a heaven but I don't believe there is.
    I refuse to believe we just rot, though.
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Hey Jaded. When I was real little I had an intense fear of death. I outgrew it though.
    If it is something that is bothering you to this extent, I would seek a therapist to help you get through it. I mean you have a specific problem, a fear of death. A lot of people fear death but not to the extent that they worry this much over it. I'm thinking a therapist would be able to help you through this.
    All the best :hug: :heart:
  3. mlxjaded

    mlxjaded Well-Known Member

    I've been to therapy but for something completely different. Long story that I'm not going to get into but I never brought up this fear. I won't, either.

    And yes, I am scared of death but I am more scared of losing people I love. I would much rather I lose my life than for my grandmother, mother, sister, or someone close to me lose theirs.
    I say this because they appreciate their lives while all I want is death.
    I would feel so selfish if something happened to them, even if it's just old age, and I'm still here.
    Am I making sense? Wow, I'm really weird.
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