Hello everyone, my name is Bart, I'm a 17 year old guy. It's 3AM, I can't sleep and I want to say what's on my mind.
Last night I had a stupid ass argument with my parents, 'cause I was watching a movie and my dad wanted me to go to bed. My anger built up and then I threw the tv onto the floor and I kicked the table over. Then my father called the police and I had to talk to them, explain what happened. Then I went to bed and I felt very sad, I couldn't sleep. My parents don't understand me. I wasn't even mad at them, I had that anger inside of me for a long time. And maybe it was because of my medication. It just feels so unreal, my parents calling the police on me. Just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse, this happens...:ohwell:
I think the goal of life is to be happy. Isn't that why you go to school, you get friends, then you get a job, you get married, etc? Just so you can live a happy life? I'm almost never happy. My life is just fear, hurt, loneliness and sadness. I know I'll never be loved, this is what bothers me the most. I know it's true because I'm so fuckin' scared to talk to people. I always end up embarrassing myself and others. Hell when my therapist is talking to me (she does all the talking) I'm about as nervous as it gets, I don't see how that could help me. Even online I'm so shy I never PM anyone because I know I'm a piece of shit and I'm not worth talking to. I know I can't live without love, and I'm not going to wait until the "right one" comes along when I'm 40 years old and she's some ugly fat bitch. Fuck that I'd rather die.
I can't go anywhere without my social anxiety, even at home I feel worthless, even on the anonymous internet I feel worthless. At home I can cope but anywhere outside (mostly school) it's a living hell. Medication doesn't even work it's too complicated for that. When I was young I was hurt so badly. I'm very sensitive and people often say mean things to me which makes everything worse.
I don't know if I deserved this life. I guess if I commit suicide I will go to hell. Thank you very much God I wish I was never born. I fucking hate everyone and they deserve it.
I don't think anyone cares about me (online, because I have no one to talk to in real life). Sometimes I tell people about my problems and they say they care about me, but I just can't believe that. It's not like I care about anyone, only if they make me feel good. Why would you help me, you don't even know me. If I die your life won't change, instead of helping me you could spend this time on your own life. So please don't fake that you care about me. Many people say that so easily...
but I want someone who really cares about me even though I suck:sad:
Last night I had a stupid ass argument with my parents, 'cause I was watching a movie and my dad wanted me to go to bed. My anger built up and then I threw the tv onto the floor and I kicked the table over. Then my father called the police and I had to talk to them, explain what happened. Then I went to bed and I felt very sad, I couldn't sleep. My parents don't understand me. I wasn't even mad at them, I had that anger inside of me for a long time. And maybe it was because of my medication. It just feels so unreal, my parents calling the police on me. Just when I thought my life couldn't get any worse, this happens...:ohwell:
I think the goal of life is to be happy. Isn't that why you go to school, you get friends, then you get a job, you get married, etc? Just so you can live a happy life? I'm almost never happy. My life is just fear, hurt, loneliness and sadness. I know I'll never be loved, this is what bothers me the most. I know it's true because I'm so fuckin' scared to talk to people. I always end up embarrassing myself and others. Hell when my therapist is talking to me (she does all the talking) I'm about as nervous as it gets, I don't see how that could help me. Even online I'm so shy I never PM anyone because I know I'm a piece of shit and I'm not worth talking to. I know I can't live without love, and I'm not going to wait until the "right one" comes along when I'm 40 years old and she's some ugly fat bitch. Fuck that I'd rather die.
I can't go anywhere without my social anxiety, even at home I feel worthless, even on the anonymous internet I feel worthless. At home I can cope but anywhere outside (mostly school) it's a living hell. Medication doesn't even work it's too complicated for that. When I was young I was hurt so badly. I'm very sensitive and people often say mean things to me which makes everything worse.
I don't know if I deserved this life. I guess if I commit suicide I will go to hell. Thank you very much God I wish I was never born. I fucking hate everyone and they deserve it.
I don't think anyone cares about me (online, because I have no one to talk to in real life). Sometimes I tell people about my problems and they say they care about me, but I just can't believe that. It's not like I care about anyone, only if they make me feel good. Why would you help me, you don't even know me. If I die your life won't change, instead of helping me you could spend this time on your own life. So please don't fake that you care about me. Many people say that so easily...
but I want someone who really cares about me even though I suck:sad:
