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I don't want to live.. but I don't really want to die, either

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Meursault, Sep 7, 2009.

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  1. Meursault

    Meursault New Member

    I'm not sure if I really belong in these forums. I really don't want to live the life I'm living anymore, and I think about suicide in various forms many times each day. It's been this way for a few months, and has intensified significantly in the last couple of weeks.

    But I don't know if I could term myself suicidal, either. I haven't made any attempts yet- it's mostly a comforting thought that I often drift away to. Does anyone else share similar feelings?

    Most of the dissatisfaction in my life comes from the fact that I have been unemployed for some time, and despite efforts to get a job, I'm losing hope. As a direct result of my unemployment, I'm on the verge of a divorce. If I do not find employment by November, it's pretty much guaranteed. Of course there are other things, both long & short term, that I'd like to change in my life, but those are the dominating forces right now.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2009
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF, I'm sorry life is hard right now...I can relate to the working part...due to my anxiety and social phobias I can't work and that has a toll on my self esteem...nowadays you're no one if you don't work...but I try to take it one day at a time

    Have you talked to a professional about your suicidal thoughts? It could help you....

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    for many thats called situational depression.
    been there. not sure what kind of work you did, but sometimes we have to take what we can just to have some kind of income comming in. been there too. still am as a matter of fact.

    its a struggle but dont loose hope yet.
  4. Meursault

    Meursault New Member

    I haven't sought any professional help, although I wouldn't be opposed to it. I've seen a psychologist before, and simple cognitive therapy helped tremendously with my social anxiety disorder. Problem is, I am unemployed, and have few resources.

    I guess a significatnly contributing factor to my depression is the fact that I don't really have anything resembeling a support network, either. I don't have any friends to talk with. That's not too much of an exageration, either.. I think I've attended one social function in the past 9 months or so. Coupled with the lack of work, I don't really have a social circle at all.

    I've tried to discuss my problems with my wife, but for whatever reason, we're unable to communicate properly about this issue. The failure could be on my end, but her attitude is rather flippant towards my depression/suicidal thoughts.
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