I don't want to look at the mirror

#1
i dont even want to take picture because i look horrible even though i try to do the best make up i can. I always avoid looking at mirrors and windows because it hurts me to see that i am ugly and undesirable. Nobody likes me, nobody talks to me, i donthave any friends.. except for my boyfriend.
 

Petal

~*Mod Extraordinaire*~
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#2
I am sure your boyfriend wouldn't be with you if he didn't love you for you as beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I am sorry you feel this way about yourself, that is sad to hear. Do you think no one likes you or talks to you because of how you look? I don't think many people wouldn't judge others only on appearance and if they do they need to take a step back at look at themselves. Hugs x
 

MarkahMalady

Well-Known Member
#3
If you're the kind of person that's set into a negative thought spiral from seeing their reflection, then it's reasonable to avoid reflective surfaces. I've been doing that to the best of my ability for like, seven years. Fully recommend it.

That "nobody likes me" kind of talk isn't true or helpful to your situation, go easier on yourself. There's no way to know for sure that everyone dislikes you, so there's no point dwelling on it.
Maybe you could make some friends if you lower your standards and befriend some people from outside of your wheelhouse.
Hope you're feeling better about things soon.
 

Bergerac

Well-Known Member
#4
I’m the same. I only look in the mirror when necessary, if I’m honest. I used to be the opposite, and look in the mirror excessively, which led to even more mental destruction and turmoil.

Just to turn this around for a moment, and I’m very sorry that you too don’t like your appearance, maybe not constantly looking in the mirror (other than when you have to) isn’t so bad. It stops you obsessing, analysing, and distracts you from your appearance, in order to live outside yourself. Sometimes avoiding the trigger is healthy.

Not looking at your own appearance so much allows time to do much more important things. Absorb yourself in these things, as much as possible, and put your own worries to the back. Focus on showing your kind, warm and gentle personality to others, and lend them an ear. That helped me a great deal. That’s what friends really want from you, and you already have a boyfriend who clearly wants and cares for you. He’s no doubt proud. You will then get a respect and admiration for yourself that comes from the inside, then that usually extends to liking the outward appearance. It’s perseverance, patience and hard work, but it’s do-able. The dislike of the outside is very rarely related to what you actually look like.

If there is a genuine problem (as I have physical scarring), remember that the outside fades for everyone. All you need to worry about is cultivating your soul, to be the best person you can, as I’m sure you are doing. Build some self-worth not related to how you look. It changes over time anyway, uncontrollably, and your self-esteem must not change with it. Build yourself a strong base outside of this.

Even if people don’t like after you’ve tried your best, that’s their problem. Why waste your life second-guessing them and allowing them to dictate? I’ve learnt the hard way that they’d never do it for you. You have as much right as anyone to get enjoyment out of life. Don’t live your life according to others opinions. If they’ve judged you badly, they’ve already highlighted one of their clear failings, which is far worse than superficial appearance. And also, no one is that interested, they’ve all got their own issues, and are usually focused on them. If they bully you, it’s usually related to one of these issues, that they are failung to cope with internally themselves, so take no notice. It’s not based on you at all.

I think you are unwittingly giving off the vibe of disliking yourself to others, too, which causes them to react in a negative way often, even though it shouldn’t. They don’t always know how to react. They become unsure of themselves in the face of it. Fake confidence and assertiveness for a while, and see how they respond.

Also, not taking so many ‘selfies’ isn’t a bad thing. The people who do it excessively are often those with low self-esteem and an unhealthy addiction. Actually live your life, taking photos isn’t necessary, it’s the memories you create in your heart and the happiness the events bring that is important.

Best of luck with this.

Take care.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Bergerac

Well-Known Member
#5
Also, if you could do some voluntary work, with people less fortune, it forces a sense of perspective that’s vital, while you’re feeling like this. This cloud will lift, I promise. And keep reminding yourself of everyone who lacks the things you have got, every time a negative thought pops into your head. Not necessarily a pleasant thing to do, but it helps. Don’t self-harm now, and risk something you’ll regret later either. Keep busy and in kind company, as often as possible. You’ll get through this, a strong, better person. Once this fear has been removed, you’ll be unstoppable and liberated. It’s sometimes a blessing in disguise, as it forces you to reach inside yourself for strength you never knew you had and learn to base appreciation of others on deeper, more important aspects of them. Take it positively, if you can.
 

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