I don't want to make it to another fucking birthday

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Autumn01, Feb 10, 2010.

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  1. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I don't want to make it to another fucking birthday- my birthday is in June and I don't want to make it to June. I fucking hate life and I'm so damn useless. I'm so miserable alive. My mom will get over me dying- that's if she even gives a shit in the first place! Her birthday was today and she was scheduled to work she said she mine as well work as there's no one to celebrate with anyway. If anyone actually cares they will get over my death and get on with their life.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 10, 2010
  2. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    She does have someone to celebrate it with, and that is you.

    Life may be unbearable right now, but take a long term view. Get things planned in a structured way.

    Have you went to college? Check with them to see what they have along the lines of your interests.

    Tell us what we can do to help!

    PM me if you need.
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    The older you get you will find that birthdays are just another day,. I spent three years on my birthday on the phsyc ward.,.The only one in my family who gave a damn was my sister.. She bought enough cheese cake for everyone on the ward..I'm an old fart and quit counting probably 29 years ago..My birthday is this month and I could give a damn about it..I don't bother to tell anyone when it is..
     
  4. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    please stay with us
     
  5. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    same here. and I just turned 20.
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Autumn..I'm so sad you feel this way.....
    why do you think your Mum doesn't care about you?...
    My son took his life not long ago and he used to say I'd "get over it"..
    There is no way ever I'll get over it and the pain is indescribable...
    My life will never be the same again...I have been told the pain stays forever we just deal with it differently..
    please talk to your Mum and tell her how you feel.....
    please stay safe....
     
  7. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Thanks lightbeam, Stranger1, jxdama, foreverforgotten and Lan.


    lightbeam- obviously I'm not someone worth celebrating with- that's what she basically said she just said it a different way. No, I haven't been to college I'm a fuckin screwup at 30- no one's fault but my own. I don't have any interests anymore- other than wanting to end my life.


    Stranger1- I'm sorry that you've spent your last 3 birthdays in the psych ward.


    Lan- I'm so sorry that your son took his life.
    Why do I think that my mom doesn't care? She just doesn't seem too.
    I'm just a burden to her and everyone else. She drives me completely crazy and pisses me off 99% of the time. She says I drive her crazy.

    This may seem selfish to some- but I don't want to have the burden of taking care of her in some years- she's 68 and I'm an only child. I want to die first. I tell her all the time she should of aborted me.
     
  8. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Sorry to hear that. And I'm sorry that you don't have many interests, except for wanting to end your existence.

    I'm 32, and I highly doubt you are a screw up. You sound very intelligent. Put it to good use, instead of beating yourself up over past mistakes.
     
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hi Autumn...
    how are you doing today?
    if you are living with your Mum that would explain why she pisses you off so much...that comes with the territory of being a Mum....that doesn't mean she doesn't care though..I bet she really loves you....
     
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Autumn,
    Just thinking about you.. I hope you are feeling at least a little better..As you can see there are many members here who care..Even the silent ones care in there own way.. They just don't know what to say..Please be safe and keep posting..
     
  11. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Thanks lightbeam, Lan and Stranger1 (((Hugs)))

    Lan, I'm depressed as usual.
    How are you?
    I've seen you are on the Suicide grief forum- I'm on there.
     
  12. Darc

    Darc Well-Known Member

    Hey guys,

    @ Autumn:

    Heh, unfortunately, whatever I can say to you is pretty hypocritical...but, nonetheless, I think if there's only one person, that could possibly (even if you think the chance is so slim that it's almost not there) care enough to grieve over you, that's more than enough reason not to go. Sounds corny, I know, but you never really know a person entirely...who really knows how much this could destroy your mum or even someone totally else you didn't even think of...as to the taking care part...how about you wait and see, how very well she can still take care of herself a couple years from now?

    I really don't want to make it to another birthday, either...I hate them so much, I feel sick just thinking of them...I think the last birthday that really felt like it was supposed to, like my special day, was my 12th or so...can barely remember...I'd even be glad if it would feel like just any other day, but the way things are, I know by now that my birthdays make me feel more lonely and worthless than any other day...I hate that. I'd been on the verge of killing myself before my 18th, planning done and all...and my mum was the only reason I didn't do it back then...but now things have changed, and I really see no reason why I should hang in to see another one of those fucked up birthdays...it'd be the 20th, and man, if I had to initiate World War Three to make sure it doesn't come, I sure as hell would...

    But well, when I look at how my sister's birthday is celebrated...sometimes I think it's all just a matter of how you go about it...if you put some effort and organization and, more importantly, determination into it and let whoever's around you know what a nice birthday means to you...maybe you might just be able to make yourself a neat day...
     
  13. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    HI Autumn....I'm sorry you're so depressed...it stinks depression...I hate it..
    are you any better today?...you can pm if you want to..((hugs))
     
  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    how are you doing Autumn??...
    thinking of you...
     
  15. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member


    Darc,

    Thanks.
    I'm sorry that you don't want to hang on for another birthday either.
    How are you doing?
     
  16. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Hi Lan,

    Thanks.
    I'm depressed/miserable.
    How are you?
     
  17. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi Autumn...I'm sorry you're still so sad.....has nothing changed?
    I'm coping thanks..that's all I can do....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 15, 2010
  18. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Hi,

    No, nothing has changed.
    Nothing ever changes.
     
  19. Darc

    Darc Well-Known Member

    Yeah, nothing ever changes.

    Autumn,
    I'm crawling on as always trying to make the day be good for something...you think it's true shared misery is half misery? Looking at us here, I find it hard to believe...
     
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