Want to feel like this. i want to be happy and smile and mean it. im not suicidal because i want to be. i dont get a kick out of being sad all the time. i do want things to get better. and im trying to help them get better but these things take time right? please be paient with me. im going to make mistakes. im going to mess up im going to have ups and im going to have downs. But Please dont think im not trying.