Ello all, I've been battling this emotional pain since I was 12 (I just turned 24 reciently). I have Bipolar Disorder and some kind of Paranoia that makes me constantly look around to see if anybodys there. Anyhow I dont think I can handle this pain any longer, my depression hits me much harder now then in the past and its to a point where the depression makes my whole body feel paralyzed and I cant move it at all for a good 5-10 seconds or so. I have thought about suicide alot over the years and even threatened to do it twice (both times I got taken to some mental facility or whatever.. it was heck there so I faked being well and all to get out early. Well, being stuck in my house casue of the paranoia, and all the emotional stress with being alone (I dont have any friends at all out there), that tied with my lack of energy and becoming disinterested in even my favorite hobby of playing computer games. Well, all that has pushed me to that small thin line between falling off into a dark oblivion of death and getting pulled back to saftey. I'm just not sure what to do anymore.. I want my life to end so I wont be suffering anymore, but my fear of death keeps me off that road I want to travel on. I guess to sum things up I have nothing going for me in the future and would perfer this waste of a life to be over. Sorry if this seems a rambling mess but I've never been the best in putting thoughts into typed words.