I dunno where this goes, but I'm so confused.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Sycotic_Sarah, Aug 1, 2007.

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  1. I don't know where this belongs, but, here's the story, really sorry if it's long;

    Last year, I met someone so wonderful, so caring, so loving. I instantly was attracted to him, merely because of those features. When he found out the whole deal to do with me, he freaked out. But, he still stood by me. He said he loved me, I loved him, we got together. A few months after being together, he broke up with me and said he found someone else. I was heartbroken and cried endlessly for nights and nights and days and days. This year, me and him spoke again. He told me he still loved me, I told him I had always loved him, so again, we got together, he was prepared to help me, prepared to support me, be there for me. That same night, he broke up with me telling me he couldn't handle it. A few days later, we got back together after a very huge arguement about my situation. We were fine for a few weeks, but then he started ignoring me, for a week he did this. Didn't answer my calls, didn't answer my texts, didn't answer my emails, nothing. Then oneday, I ask him 'are we together still?' he says 'err... no', I say 'what? so that's it?' he says 'pretty much...'. We've talked since then, and he said he still loves me but 'I'm not girlfriend material for him' basically. I still love him, or have very deep feelings for him, but anyway, now that that situation has been said, moving onto the actual situation now. I met someone else this year. He is so amazing to me He cares too, he is VERY loving and to good too be true. He says to me he loves me, he has helped me major in the past few weeks, he has been so caring, been there for me, through the bad and good, and he has just recently broke up with his girlfriend. Now, what I'm confused about is, he asked me out just before, and I said to him 'oh, second best then?' and he said back 'you were actually the first...ever since I got to know you' then '...I grew to have greater feelings for you than I did her'... Okay, so I have major trust issues and MAYBEE a bit of paranoia, but I really don't know what to do. I've said yes to him, because I do have feelings more than like for him, he is actually a decent guy, (he's 19 by the way), but I'm really confused on what I FEEL. I don't know WHAT I feel. I really do like him, but I really do like my ex too. My ex has moved on, I guess I should too... right? I mean, I do like this guy ALOT, it's not just like, it really isn't, but I still have something for my ex, and it's confusing me alot...

    Lil help on the situation here would be nice because I'm VERY confused and muddled up... :unsure:

    (by the way, just 'cause I'm fourteen, don't mean I'm not extremley mature, so don't say, PLEASE don't say you're too young and stuff, 'cause I'm actually quite mature)
  2. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    Does the new guy (for want of a better phrase) know how you feel about all this, or at least what you've explained here?

    Yes you should most definately try to move on from your ex - if you're 'not girlfriend material' for him, then he is most definately not boyfriend material for you!

    But please, take it slowly with this new guy. When me and my ex got together, he did consider me second best (he told me 9 months down the line, the git :dry:) because he was still in love with one of his exes. No-one else knew this and thought I was just being paranoid - hence where my reputation with his friends for being a 'psycho' comes from. With both of you having split up with someone (my ex was my first and only boyfriend so far) I guess this is less likely to happen with you guys, but it could and it's something to watch out for. However, it's alot less likely to happen if you both take time to get over your respective exes before getting into anything serious.

    Yeah, I know this all sounds very cynical, but it's the best advice I have.
  3. thanks for replying RC :hug:

    he doesn't know... no :( I don't wanna tell him, I really don't...

    I've already said yes now, and he says to me he loves me, and he says he doesn't love anyone else like he loves me, and I said how do you mean, how do you love me? he said I love you like your my lover. So, that's putting me, a bit, at ease...

    Guess it'll take time huh? :( Shame I'm so inpatient.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You need to take time sarah. I am not so sure i would be at ease with hime saying I love you like my lover. Maybe that has a different meaning for me than for you. It would make me want to back away from him. And whether you want to hear it or not, you are young Sarah. even if you are a mature 14 yr old, that is still awfully young. In the US it would be illegal. i don't want to see you hurt anymore than you have been already. Please be very careful. :hug:
  5. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    If I was you I would take time before embarking on another relationship. However, that is just me. I can not tell you what to do and when to do it. I would just like to give you a little advice. Be careful on what you say and do with this new guy right now. Yes, he may have been there for you through the good and bad right now but who knows what will happen once you two get "together" for want of a better word. I do not mean in a bad way either what I mean is going out with each other.
    He says he loves you like a lover? What exactly does that mean to you? What does that mean to him? Yes, you may be a mature 14 year old but this guy is 19 years old. If he is like any of the men I know he is gonna want what he wants and want it then and there. I am not telling you not to get with this guy I am just suggesting that you take it very slow. I am here if you wish to talk. I do not want to see you get hurt. Take care and I love you. :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss

    With Love,
    Crystal :hug: :cheekkiss
  6. what do you mean GL?

  7. They are all worried that you are going to be pressured in having sex. They are also saying that because of the age difference there might be a conflict of interest....you are looking for love and the 19 yo guys are looking for love and sex, and this might hurt you in the end.

    for what i read, i GUESS the first guy likes you, but he dumped you because you are too young and would not have sex with him.
    If you did have sex with him and he still dumped you, it is because he doesnt like you that much (sorry?). In any case i sugest you to go out with the second guy.

    i think there is nothing wrong (besides the law) in a 14 having sex with a 19. I've seen yonger with older than that. just do it because you want, and because you are confortable, not becuse of pressure or fear of losing somebody
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2007
  8. The first guy still does like me, this is all on the internet by the way, I'm too socially retarded for this to happen in person.

    The first guy broke up with me because of the shit with me being suicidal and selfharm and paranoia and whatever else. The second guy, the new one, now, he does actually like me, I think... :/ I don't think he is *JUST* in it for the sexual satisfaction. He's comin to meet me at Xmas.
  9. all on the internet? what exactly do you mean by "we got together"?
    have you seen him(webcam?) have you talked to him and head his voice?
  10. I've seen him, both of them, on webcam and heard their voices. Via microphone and my mobile.

    They arn't peadophiles. They are who they said they were. A 15 and 19 yr old male.

    Easier spotted if they were a peadophile. They seemed to care when I tried to kill myself - peadophiles wouldn't, they are more interested in sex. From experience. And they, so far, haven't even mentioned the topic sex.

    We got together, meaning, we asked each other out...
  11. if you don't want to listen and you don't like to talk i dunno what you expect. very mature. no hugs for ya this time
  12. Excuse me? You my little misunderstanding immature human, do not understand anything about how badly sexual abuse, in any form, can destroy a persons self esteem, self image, confidence and relationships/friendships status. You've NO idea how much what happened to me left me destroyed. The only ones that traumatized me so much were the one by the sixteen year old who has been dealt with by the police and the one by my class 'mate' in year six, aswell as my step brother. The others were just 'messing around' I assume you think. May have happened many times, but those were the only ones that were so scary I didn't do anything because I was so scared and ashamed. You've NO idea. So don't you DARE say to me 'if you don't want to listen and don't like to talk i dunno what you expect' because I was listening, and what you said offended me, and I don't like to talk about sexual abuse experiences because they trigger me off. I don't care if you're gonna use sarcasm against me, or if you're gonna offend me again after this post, I really don't, this forum no longer supports me, instead, insults me.

    I want this thread closed. All my threads now seem to upset me. It is NOT on.
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2007
  13. Deathly Strike

    Deathly Strike Well-Known Member

    Sarah, you have to be careful and take a few deep breaths when it comes to the topic of internet relationships.

    I don't mean to put a damper on the situation but its proven that the majority of them work and that the people who you talk to aren't actually who they say they are. I, personally, know this better than anyone else. I'm not saying for a fact that yours will fall flat on its face but, I dunno. You might have seen them on webcam and you might have heard their voices, but webcams and telephones are just masks. Unless you meet them in person you'll never know what they're really like and if they are sickos then it could be too late and the last thing we want is to lose a member like you. Just carry on talking to them. If either start losing interest in you, or avoid you completely because you're not interested in sex then it means they were after one thing only.

    Just take care, Sarah.

  14. ok. first of all you started talkig about the abuse, i went to you to talk about other stuff
    i'm not going to say sorry cuz i'm not. just because i said things that you didn't want to hear doesnt mean that i don't know what i'm saying, i don't think you completely understood what i meant ("try stuff" part)
    i've been there

    if you want me to explain myself then you know where to find me.
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2007
  15. I've spoken to him and said to him 'are you just wanting sex from me?' and he flat out said 'of course not'. He wouldn't lie to me. This guy and me are close and I know him all too well. I know he wouldn't lie to me. He seems decent. When he does come and visit me at Christmas, my mum is gonna monitor us, so I'm perfectly safe.

    And considering I've met peadophiles and all that shit before, I know if someone is or isn't one, it's just too obvious. =/

    Thanks anyway Cyanide...
  16. If you've 'BEEN THERE' then you'd obviously know that SOME guys don't do it to 'try stuff', and with the guys that did it to me, some of them maybe 'tried stuff' but I know for sure others didn't. :mad:

    Stop replying to my threads, all you have done so far is upset me. :dry:
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