i dunno where to start...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by asqy, Nov 12, 2006.

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  1. asqy

    asqy Well-Known Member

    *i don't really know how to do this crap so bear with my crappy writing abilities. and if you don't feel like it, thats cool too. sorry in advance for this being long*

    i don't know where to start... i'm so sick of my god damn mom. she controls every aspect of my shitty existance. she basically is a life nazi...

    every day of my life its: i have more power than you. no you can't do this or that. no that job is too dangerous. you should be a lawyer. go to school.

    if i question anything she says, she yells at me. if i disagree with her, she either yells at me or pouts untill i appease her wishes. she is supposedly "never" wrong, and if i say different she yells at me. in addition to all of this, she "accidently" goes through my mail!! she wasn't even going to tell me about one piece that concerned the possibility of my identity being stolen.

    she is always controlling and making me feel guilty. my mom also has this ability to ruin every good day that ive ever had. i like my dad but he never does anything to stop this crap, so i hate him too.

    on top of my shit parents... i have add, ocd, and depression. i can't sit still in class and most of the time i space out and day dream. then i get screwed in the class cause i couldn't pay attention. it took me ten minutes to lock my car until i realized i have to do the door handle 5 times, walk around my car counter clockwise checking the rest of my doors, then walk 10 ft away and go back and check my drivers side door.... thats the only way i can remember if its locked. :(

    my parents don't care about me... i told them i was suicidal, they just had me talk to them about it once... and that was it, but even then they didn't listen to me, they just used the reason for it that they wanted, not the real one. i asked for some medication, they said no.

    i pick on my arms until they bleed, i hit my leg until it has bruises, and sometimes i just hit myself in the head... i hit myself in the head right in front of my mom once and she didn't do anything about it...

    i don't know what to do anymore.. no one seems to care, im just a fucking slave puppet to them. im at the end of my rope... i don't want to live like this anymore making my existance seem futile... everyday i pray to die. whether its a car accident or just get shot while im in the bank by a robber. all during senior year of high school i prayed for a school shooting, so hopefully id get hit. the only thought on my mind is that i wish i was dead. death just seems like my only way out.
     
  2. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Surprisingly, I can relate to how you feel.

    Many have reached a point in their lives in which they feel completely out-of-control and at the end of their ropes. Family and personal issues can agitate that tremendously.

    I, for one, am too afraid to address these emotions.

    So the thing is, the fact that you've come to terms with, and are able to express how you feel shows immeasurable strength.

    Just remember, there are people who understand where you're coming from and feel what you feel.

    You may feel out-of-control, but never feel isolated.

    I hope your problems subside. :hug:
     
  3. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    ...and your signature...

    you deserve to have more faith in yourself than that.
     
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